…iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’m MOVIN’ OUT!

mi amigo amit is helping me with project furniture on sunday – thank god i don’t have a lot to this move. the brooklyn move back home to queens was totally stressful…

the only thing i’m worried about is my bed situation… my mom’s buying me the bed for some holiday? (belated birthday or christmas or something…) but i’m not sure what size bed i should get (full or queen) AND i have to buy the mattress myself… i don’t know if i want to splurge on a sleepy’s mattress or get an ikea one again… my ikea one has been around since 2002 and i’ve always slept comfortably… but then there’s the variable of the after christmas sales on mattress’s from sleepy’s… GAH!

i want a queen but i have a full here at my moms, if i get a queen frame i can’t even use this mattress because it’d be too small… hmm. or can i?

i need so much shit for this apt still – a target trip must be in order soon…
…now no one can get christmas gifts because of this move, whoops.
worst.

woe is me.

i have nothing productive to even say this week, i’ve been under so much stress lately… i feel like all i do is whine about my horrible, sad (love) life and i don’t want to do that here… this year is coming to a close soon, thank god… i can’t wait to start a new one… 2009 has been nothing but stress. asshole/stupid boys, ditched some bitches and shitty people, family contributions have been ruining me… gotta get that shitty little dark cloud out of my life MAN.

although i shouldn’t complain about this year too much… i made some great friends/reconnected with others this year though, although brooklyn was short lived it was fun… only thing i hope for the rest of this year is to get into my fucking apartment already and to have a person to kiss on new years…

a little premature to be bringing up new years, whatever. i’ll just get it out of the way now, lol.

…taken from last years wrap up post:
“my goals for 2009?
moving out, having fun, learning more for/through work and filtering out useless people and things.
and getting rid of the red base my hair has had to endure in 2008.”

- got a lot done. haha “useless” people. le sigh.
i did get rid of that red base.

fuck it, i’m going back to black in 2010. it’ll look hot with other sectioned colours/half bangs mixed into it.

so this is the black wall. the purple side hasn’t been finished yet – no sneak peeks!
this has a short wall in the back like 5/6 feet wide and goes a little longer to the right of the picture where you can’t see.

i love it. it doesn’t make my apartment feel smaller either, which is what i was afraid of.
even my landlord liked it

thanks again jes and rob for all of your help! (GO BUY SHIRTS FROM THEM!!!!!! – they are two creatively brilliant minded friends of mine<3)

ALMOST THERE!

halloween has come and gone (=w= was wonderful!), that means there is barely one month left of weather i can stand dealing with… i can’t stand NYC during decemeber-april, i’m always so frustrated because i’m always so cold… i need to move someplace warm. west coast styles, or open a hotel in cancun, lol.

i want to go upstate within the next coming weeks. i think we’re going up for thanksgiving, we always do… but i want to go up on a sunday when my cousins and my sister and i can just chill out on our own instead of being obligated to stay with everyone else…

i got the keys for my new apartment yesterday, so that means i can officially start bringing stuff over there… i kind of can’t wait, and i’m kind of going to miss being over here… (this does feel like home<3) i can’t stand the commute, but i do like seeing my mother more, seeing my friends more, especially being closer to erica… again i’m staying out of the way of the burbs, so i feel like i’m isolating myself a bit… but it’s not as far as i was so my friends can’t bitch at me and at least now i won’t have to deal with the long ass commute… ESPECIALLY not being on the 7 line is an amazing thing… i can do what i please, come and go as i please, have people over again, sleepovers!<333

i’ve gotta pick out paint colours! i have one mini-wall, a long wall and a wall near my bed area that i want to be an accent wall that i’m thinking will be a dark purple… stuck on the rest… i need inspiration!

i just want things to look forward to and less stress within the next few months. i don’t like how the last month has gone, even though i’ve been completely preoccupied, i’ve still been stressed out. i want to feel 100% and happy

i’ve gotta pay off one credit card bill, buy a new winter jacket, finish two websites and cut my hair and i’ll be happy.

yesterday’s move was super annoying, and i feel so horrible for making poor george take part in it… he was such a trooper!<333 our uhaul truck rental was a little late, then we were stuck in never ending traffic in the venus fly trap, i was starrrrrving and i still had a lot of shit to do at the apartment... guh. it was more time consuming than i had thought it would have been. but we did it... with oscar screaming the whole truck ride home... worst. poor thing<3

although i've been complaining and dread my commute every morning, i'm so glad to be here. at this point, i was itching to leave my apartment. i am going to miss it, it was such a nice place, my room/closet were so big (ugh) but i felt so weird being there last month. not even going to get into it, i just can't believe it ended up where it did... can't believe wehe lost touch. whatever. lesson learned, moving along.

all i’ve unpacked (and plan on unpacking) was my clothing. i setup my tv and my computer. that’s it… keeping everything altogether so the next move in a month is easy as pie.

it feels really good to be back here, but strange too. i guess it won’t feel good until i start seeing my friends, i’m sure then i’ll feel back at home… temporarily.

crap, i already miss jen&&&jess sleepovers.
can’t wait til ridgewood sleepovers!

(haha wtf? “time of your life” by green day just came on. really? – how sort of appropriate!)

i kinda feel lost since i’m all packed up. i’m pms’ing and everything has been bothering me… oh the joys of being a woman… i can’t wait until november. new apartment, autumn in FULL effect, glassjaw, thanksgiving (hopefully upstate)… i dunno… hopefully all good things. type, delete. le sigh.

all i wanted to do was come home and watch “the rules of attraction” but the damn dvd is packed away. i should still give a peek, since the bin isn’t closed where all of my movies are… i think i’m going to end up going sleep sooner than i think though.

tomorrow i’m going to meet the landlord for the ridgewood spot! i am super excited and really hope i get it – there’s a lot of good stuff harboring over there… i’ll be right near missy, jes and george and not far from the lovers in the burbs either – ooooooh everyone cross their fingers!

tuesday i’m moving back to mom’s house…
whatever. i feel so blah about it, but at least i have a home to go back to. and if i get this place, it’ll only be for a month.

i can’t wait until all of this is over.

NEED STABILITY, stat.

adios brooklyn!<3

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• pack up my life
• save up $1400 $1100 within 4 weeks
• get shit back to moms (temporarily)
• get new shoe holder
• hear back from mike about place in ridgewood
• throw more shit out!
• buy some towels
• pick up pink wardrobe from andrews upon apartment confirmation

i can’t believe i have to uproot myself again. at least i’m going back to queens. sure, there may be other parts of brooklyn i could be happier in, but it really doesn’t matter… queens is where my family and friends are. and i’m glad i’m going back. not back to the burbs, but close enough to everyone that matters.

if anything, brooklyn heights will someday sway me back. otherwise…

bk isolation – over and out.<3

thanks jen & ilya for making my brooklyn experience so much fun<333

last night i did not get the laundry done. tonight, i did.
i lugged a huge lesportsac weekender and a little basket, four long blocks to the laundromat…

not too crowded tonight.

am i really blogging about doing the laundry? god i suck at life.

there’s always some little kid that seems to become fascinated with me there. tonight it was a little hasidic boy, about 5ish – walking back and forth, and every time he would pass me by he would stare right at my face. hardcore, head/neck following. i was like ??? lol

then some indian lady came in with her three kids and two of them were on scooters… the littlest one was about 3, and she put him down and he just stood there staring at me dead in the face. just stood there… so i smiled, i waved… nothin. just eyes opening a little wider and back to normal.

the mother bought his older brother an ice cream cone and he unwrapped it and threw the entire wrapper on the floor. he just left it there and did three laps around the place on his scooter… the mother hadn’t turned around yet to see it on the floor… and the kid saw me looking at him when he dropped it, and kept looking at me all guilty like. so when he made his last lap, i pointed at it and he finally picked it up and threw it out… little brat, lol.

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narcissism at its finest… sometimes i forget the point of this thing, i’ve just had it for so long that i feel bad not using it or having it… i can see my traffic flow around here… so i know people do actually visit and i’m not just talking to myself, lol.. sorry for the lack of updates.

i don’t want to say that things are bad, because they could DEF be worse. but everything is calmly chaotic and i’m just waiting for the tiny storm to pass.

i can’t wait to just get a place of my own at this point. hopefully something with character. hopefully somewhere back in queens… missy texted me about a studio her friend has in ridgewood. i’ve gotta call him up to go see it.

this whole living/moving situation is stressing me out, and i feel like it’s spilling out into other parts of my life. i just started dating george and because i’m so stressed out and feeling vunerable, i feel like i’m not giving 100%. i mean, i totally am into us and him<3 but i just feel like i’m in a rut and i have a little gray cloud over my head keeping me from being in tip-top jess shape. gotta snap out of it.

serenity now, serenity now.

my birthday is on saturday… i chose not to go out. instead, i’ll be hosting my very own birthday bash here at the apartment… might as well go out with a bang

laundry time.

god i just realized how cheesy that post about george was the other day, sorry – lol.

whatever, i’m happy. and it’s better than complaining like i usually do…

i have no agenda for the next two days. i feel like i should go to queens so that i have something to do today. once my nails dry, i’m going to do just that. i can’t sit around this apartment anymore.

i get a bomb dropped on me wednesday night by frank that the landlord isn’t letting him renew the lease, so apparently we have to move. but then frank said he was going to speak to his lawyer about how we weren’t given adequate notice about this… and the hot water was off the other day… (now it’s back on) man… i don’t know what’s going on, and i haven’t seen frank. i have to figure out the living situation then i suppose… with the quickness.

NOT going back to my mothers. nahhhhh. nah.

even thinking about this is giving me a headache right now.

going to get organized and get the fuck out of here.
want to see erica, stat.<3

may 1st is just ’round the corner!!! – so i got a lot of shit packed, my walls are looking mighty bare, and it’s so weird.  i hate it.  it’s freaking me out.  i won’t live here anymore…  ever again.  not with mommy either.  not that it’s cut the cord type shit around here, most of the time we can just live together without pissing each other off, and i just love her.  i kinda find it funny/ironic that the apartment we lived in together when it was just me and her when i was a weee little stu (1-4 yrs old),  before sarah was born is directly around the corner from this apartment i’m typing from right now…  and now i’m leaving her from here…

predestined paths.

(i believe in life magic, lol)

there are little white dots all over the walls from where i had stuff taped up, my monster collage walls…  still nowhere near as bad as my old house, but enough…

…i’m gonna miss my little mid-urb neighborhood…  i realized that last night when i was getting home from work.  i had to leave early because of ridiculously horrible cramps, and wound up being back here while it was still light out.  and quite warm.  – i love spring time so much.  and it looks so pretty around here – all the big/little houses with such character (especially the tudors! – fave!) – flowers and trees…  not buildings and hustle/bustle…  well not too much of it anyways, especially on my side streets…

in fact walking home during spring/summer and fall nights from bell is one of my favorite things in the world.  once the warm weather hits, i live for it.  good exercise and it clears the head…  so this weekend, i gotta fit it in before i won’t be around all the time.  especially to sleep here…  although i’m sure i’ll be here for many drunken nights that i’ll end up crashing on the couch…  haha i’m acting like i’m gonna be in another state or country…  but brooklyn – especially where i’m going to be – is kinda far.  especially when you don’t drive.  and now i REALLY don’t have the need to, lol.  and i think it’s gonna be a way different crowd than around here.

BLAH BLAH BLAH.
i’ve got a closet the size of  a small bedroom and a red haired italian boy to get tattoo’d with often!

so…  in other news.  the rangers won tonight (snoozefest, i know – but it’s the playoffs! – GO LUNDQVIST! GO DUBEY!<333) anddd i finally got my rosary ring that i had ordered… one size too big – so it’s on my middle finger instead of my ring finger…
(note to self: SIZE 5 ring finger.)

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whoops! i fell off the blog wagon! i’ll try not to let it happen again.

nothing that interesting anyways…  just been packing…
hanging out…
thinking too much, subconsciously?!… (still, fuck you.)
freelancing…
watching movies…
getting ready for midwood (which no one knows where it is, so i simply say down by coney…  – which officially makes me a warrior. fuck yes.)

um.  yeah.

through may i’ll be broke since i’m paying two rents (need web/graphics work?), weather will be perfect, i have an interesting date lined up for myself…  and in june i’m gonna be paying $200 less than what i pay here now, glorious.

this summer should be interesting…

putting ideas together for my bedroom walls.
so far, i see a forest mural in my future.

so i broke it down to my mom tonight.  told her the moving out dealio.
such a hard thing to do, just as bad as i thought her reaction would be.

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this weekend had its ups and downs. friday was fun, went for drinks afterwork with willie dictionary, then went to dinner with christine and erica…  christine is 4 1/2 months pregnant, CUTIE! and for some reason i haven’t seen her since february, so it was good to catch up with her…  we went to cinco de mayo (shocker) and then just went back to erica’s apartment to chill out – we were just shooting the shit and i was making her and erica laugh so hard they were crying… fun times

saturday morning, my sister and mother got into a huge fight – apparently “because of me” needing a ride to go pick up my jacket from the post office…  (below, sexy. fuck yes. and yeah it’s part/fleece. and it’s not heavy and gross for this time of year at all.)

long story short – sarah had a dr’s appt and was heading out like 20/30 mins from when i woke up so i figured i had time if my mom drove me up to get it, but my sister wasn’t having it…  so i went downstairs and asked my mom if she’d take me fast and she told me to ask my sister…  so i did…

sarah got pissed off that we were asking her for the car because my mom knew “she needed the car all week”, and then my mom got pissed because she was answering me snotty. so she tried to defend me…  don’t know why, but it all escalated between the two of them because they both have bad tempers. they were screaming at each other, and my sister was dropping F-bombs left and right… so my mom told my sister to pack her shit and move out, that she couldn’t take her attitude anymore, and my sister ended up cursing AT her… i just tried to calm the both of them down and make them stop…  i told my mother to stop answering her, and she did…  and then i went upstairs to try to calm sarah down with reasoning and talking and she stopped finally…

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so i’m gonna be moving out again soon…  and it got me thinking about how many times i have in fact moved in my life.  so let’s retrace my steps, and places i’ve called home.

where i live now (05-present)
whitestone (2003-2005)
bayside (sept.2002-feb.2003)
whitestone (1995-2002)
whitestone (1994-1995)
flushing x 2 (1993-1994)
college point (1989-1993)
the bronx (1988-1989)
whitestone (1987-1988)
flushing (1986-1987)
whitestone (1984-1986)
flushing (1981-1984)
mom’s uterus (1981) (lol<3)

can you see why i miss living in whitestone???

i just got back from erica’s a little while ago, decided i need to clean my room…  i caught a second wind from falling asleep in her bed for a while before…  i seriously need to start throwing more shit out and start packing up.

today me and erica were talking about me moving in, seriously for once…  she wants her cousin out – it’s our ongoing joke that it’s my bedroom because i was supposed to move into her 3rd bedroom in the house over a year ago and couldn’t because i wasn’t making enough money…  now it may finally become mine and an issue is brought up – she says there’s a no pet rule, anddd she’s allergic anyways.  and i’m definitely taking oscar wherever i go, he’s my kid.  so there goes that idea?  :(  ugh – it’s one damn block off of bell blvd. – SOOOOO convenient!!

i got an apartment offer from someone i know in a newly renovated basement for $875 a month/utilities included for a 1 bedroom in whitestone.  which is cool because i would LOVE to live in whitestone again…  BUT – it’s not near a train.  not even the LIRR…  which leaves me with the same issue as i have now with my LONG ass commute everyday…  but i do love and miss my old ‘hood – i grew up there…  and i kinda think living without roommates might be good for me.  and it’s right by sophie’s, and everyone else i know – so maybe that’d be better for me…  i don’t wanna move somewhere and be alone…  it’s hard enough dealing with being alone and i’m still here.

enough complaining!

so i dyed my bangs, again.  purple/red (see photo above, duh).  i want a darker purple and i kind of hate the red…  i dont normally wear anything red – and it doesn’t match with most colours i wear on a daily, so i’m thinking about hitting up M5 for a quick bleach/dye job tomorrow…  maybe not.  maybe i’ll do it myself.

what else is new?

…i got this super cool tote bag from a company in my office building at work the other day!!

i always see some chick walking around with it and i thought it was the best thing i’d ever seen.  sooooo funny!  so i looked on their website to see if they sold them or something and they didn’t…  but! …i had bumped into one of their employee’s in the hall and asked about it, and i think she said they were for employee’s only or something.  she didn’t speak loudly enough and we parted ways…  SO – i emailed them and told them i worked down the hall and a week later, it was in an envelope with my name on it at the front door of our office.

i feel special having one.
it made my day getting it.  it felt like christmas, lol.

oh the little things that make me happy in life…

and lastly……….

…seriously debating on this iphone purchase/switch this weekend.  i honestly hate typing on the damn thing.  it’s the one thing that’s stopping me.  i’d miss my little cell phone keyboard…  well, i’ll be deciding by tomorrow afternoon i suppose.

hot damn, i complain a lot. and i apologize to anyone who reads this blog… i’m just at this weird place in my life and i feel like my life is the movie “groundhog day”.

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i’m gonna re-read the book…  then watch it again…  someone bought me the dvd off of my wishlist.
still dunno who…  come forward!

so i made it through a week!
both of you running through my head, work work work, commute that never fails to annoy me, and tons of coffee.

NO MORE PANIC ATTACKS!
(woo! because that shit scared me!)

this weekend is supposed to be nice out.  i’ve got a movie night lined up with the vezz-man, some casci’s/erica hours, and plenty-o relaxation.  took monday off for an appointment, and then it’s smooth sailing through lovely weather.

erica told me she wants to move out of her apartment, away from her sister.  they fight too much, and tonight i learned some stuff that makes it pretty valid.  so i guess maybe we’ll be moving in together…  hopefully by the spring!!!  how wonderful that would be!

…tonight we went out to dinner with her friend- with some kid that seemed and looked like such a goomba but wound up being a total mick – 98% irish actually, lol.  (haha i dunno he kept saying he was only 2% italian) and he wound up talking about how he just got some mix cd from his friend bringing him back to his “skater days” with op-ivy, bouncing souls, nofx and reel big fish on it…  (broke out the two souls tats – impressed him, lol)  he was pretty cool… he wound up asking us to come to ireland to stay at his house out there with him…  says he grew up there on every vacation as a child…  showed us pics in his phone and stuff, beauty.  i want to go so badly.

i told him i’d go to find some hot guy with an accent, and live there forever.

i need to stop worrying about the opposite sex.
i just miss being cuddled and getting railed

love is wonderful, and hard to live without.

lol

okay, off to dreamland.  i’d like to be in bed sleeping for 8 hours tonight if i can.

…2008…

the only thing i really dislike about this year was part of the summer and my birthday.
and that which followed from my actions on my birthday. (sorry homie, i love you.)
oct/nov were kind of hard but i bounced back in decemeber.

best?
my new job $$$, my new tattoos, making new friends, going to mexico with m5, all the shows i went to,
me and m5 hanging out all the time, dunkin donuts was built on my corner (lol), intoxicated nights, the last of the mets games at shea, holiday cocktail lounge… tons of other stuff<3

my goals for 2009?
moving out, having fun, learning more for/through work and filtering out useless people and things.
and getting rid of the red base my hair has had to endure in 2008.

my mothers got this annoying and stupid habit of pussy footing around and implying things instead of just asking direct questions. instead of just asking me if i broke up with steve or not because of course her spidey senses have been tingling, she does that stupid voice and goes “oh where’s steve, doesn’t he usually come over for a while on friday nights?”

my mother doesn’t get the hint that i don’t tell her anything because i never want her stupid reactions or her two cents, and i know “she’s my mother” blah blah blah, i don’t care. we’re not tight on that level, never have been and never will be. i don’t need advice, and when i do want it, i’ll ask for it.

my mother hasn’t dated anyone since 1996, who is she to give me dating advice?
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