yesterday was my sister’s birthday and we went out for dinner/boozing in bayside. so as she was picking me up from ridgewood and we were driving back to bayside via the long island expressway… i caught a glimpse of lefrak city’s newest lighting ensemble… #fail

since i was a little kid (and i’m sure before i was), every year next to the LIE, lefrak city has put up huge seasons greetings/happy holidays signs and brought up long strands of lights from the bottom of their sign to the top floor of between the buildings to make the shape of a triangle for christmas trees (i guess/assume?) and this year they put up this LED nonsense. a RED “snowflake” (looks more like a starburst?) in the middle and a bunch of straight line lights as tall as the snowflake on both sides of it.  and it’s only on the awning of the building…

i flickr searched and googled the shit out of lefrak city/xmas lights and i couldn’t find any great pictures of what they used to display, just this one:

at any rate, it’s a queens/nyc tradition that’s been broken… kinda sucky lefrak!

so i was passing by with my mom today and we got to even more talking about lefrak city.  since my mother grew up in forest hills, i assumed she’d had friends that lived there or something over the years… turns out i was right.

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i was upstairs/outside in front of my house because my apartment gets no damn service in the basement… and this brief conversation actually took place.

jess: (blahbbity blah blah, yakkity yak, chit chat) oh ew! there are a bunch of those big, poisonous mushrooms growing on the side of the tree in front of my house…
mom: you know not to eat those, right?
jess: :silence:
mom: oh, just wait until you have children…

meanwhile, i’m STANDING OUTSIDE OF THE APARTMENT THAT I PAY FOR EVERY MONTH ON MY OWN, like a grown-up, lol…

when i was 5 going on 6, i got a splinter in my right thigh and neglected to tell my mother about it. i didn’t tell her because i was scared shit of doctors when i was a kid. in fact, it used to take 4/5 adults to hold me down for vaccines, lol. so after not telling my mother about this splinter for a while, it started traveling up into my thigh and i couldn’t sit down… which was when she found i was hiding it, so instead of my mother fishing it out within minutes of when it happened… i think turned into actually being days or weeks. (and she couldn’t get it out.) she ended up having to take me to our family doctor, which turned into a referral for minor surgery.

i remember being in the car with my mother and she was trying to talk me into getting the surgery and going in bravely, without a screaming episode and what not… and i remember my aunt carol was with us in the car and she too, was trying to calm me down or brace me for what was about to happen. my mother wound up bribing me with buying every piece of every she-ra play sets and dolls/figures if i behaved…
#gocatra #goshe-ra #gocrystalcastle #best

so we get to this hospital and i remember my mother going in with me, walking through an awesome play room that i wanted to stay in, being wheeled around through the halls/rooms, two sets of steel double doors and finally also being on the operating table. my mother couldn’t be with me, and i remember seeing all the tools they were using for the procedure being out. and really fucking shiny and scary.

i also remember fighting and being strapped down for the whole thing while staying awake.

whenever the whole ordeal was finished, my mother told me that i didn’t misbehave at all and she felt horrible because i told her all of the tools were out and she realized how scared i was… she said she heard me screaming through both sets of heavy double doors, and that’s why i ended up getting everything she-ra.

i still have a scar from that splinter/the stitches… brutal.

friday was the friday the 13th special at three kings, but unfortunately it was too busy for us to get tatted up…  i got out of work at 4, but apparently that still wasn’t early enough.  i went home to shower quickly and steve picked me up and then we scooped up jes and co. and shuffled over there…

we waited for four stinkin’ hours and never got in for our ink – but we all had a really good time either way, just laughin’ it up together for a while…  and it wasn’t so nasty hot out either…  the only unbearable thing was that i had to pee the entire time…  ugh, now the next friday the 13th won’t be until next may…  guess next time i’m going to take the day off instead of leaving “early”…  i really wanted this tattoo, man…  it was a pair of hands, cut at the wrist with blood dripping holding up the middle finger for the 1 and three fingers on the other hand for the 3 to make the 13…  it would have looked so cute next to my misfits skull…  

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saturday morning convo with mammle… about these two brothers > one i’m always confused with a title over… friends, fuck buddies, mildly dating? i have no idea… either way it went on for like 2/3 years…

mom: oh i saw the tucci brothers, god are they gorgeous. what are their names again?
me: mike and billy
mom: oh yeah, that’s right. which is the one you used to hang out with?
me: mike
mom: oh, right.
me: did billy still look on the crazy side?
my sister: they both kind of looked the same, with long hair
mom: that mike… (saying something along the lines of “if i were twenty years younger i’d”…)
me: (with puzzled look) jesus, ma!!
mom: (laughing) what?? he’s cute…
me: oh, i know. and i hope you know that i hit that… so, ha.
mom: :gags:
my sister: :gags:

lol

i’m working on a pregnancy/birthing website and i came across the informational section that reads:

“what you eat during pregnancy can affect your baby for his or her entire life!”

…oh, really?
my mother told me she ate at least a package of oreo’s a day and a shit ton of pizza…

hmm.
where does that leave me?

last night:

mom: i borrowed some cds you left upstairs for my itouch, that OK? …it was the police and green day
me: greenday? which album?
mom: :fumbles to reach it on the shelf: oh, i don’t know whichever one you had up there
me: greenday?
mom: yes …i LOVE green day
me: o_o

these will always remind me of my mother<3
i was raised on these full albums. on repeat.
(hover over the thumbnail for the title if you’d like to know what an album is.)

back in my raver days, my mother ALWAYS assumed i was on drugs. so i pussy footed around many conversations and situations where drugs could have been brought up… anyways, one night – we were in the living room watching a movie together and i started smelling flowers.

now this may not seem like a strange thing ordinarily, but my mother:

a) is allergic to perfume, so it definitely wasn’t any type of perfume or air freshener.
b) never has flower scented candles.
c) couldn’t have fresh cut flowers in the house because of our cat josie, who thoroughly enjoys eating fresh flowers.

also: my mother is kind of a medium – she’s got some stories that scare the shit out of me… so when she feels something, i’m a believer.

so now with all that being said… i sat there for a good hour not saying anything about this strange, STRONG smell of fresh cut flowers thinking she’d accuse me of doing acid or some shit… so i started getting chills about it, it was freaking me out… she went into the kitchen to get a drink, came back and asked me if i was smelling them too.

she said she felt something was behind us for a while, but didn’t want to say anything because she knew it’d scare me… she said whatever it was, was good and not harmful… and as soon as she acknowledged it, it went away. she said the feeling, and i stopped smelling flowers.

my mother has no idea how many tattoos i have. and i don’t mean, hey i’ve got hidden ones she doesn’t know about tee-hee-hee… i prance around with them out all the time, and i don’t have any in taboo places… she just has no idea.

i have asked my mother on numerous occasions what my chest tattoo reads, and she has no idea.
ITS ONLY TWO WORDS, lol

what if she had to identify my decapitated body or something?
i’ve had the damn thing for nearly two years…

i love jess-quizzing her, she gets so mad.

i don’t know why she gets so angry with me when she gets the answers wrong, she obviously doesn’t pay enough attention to me… lol

so after explaining what “ghost poops” are to my mom the other day (and her laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe), she sends me this in an email:

“So what else is new?? Any good “ghost” stories lately!! LOL”

– BEST.

PS: if you’re unfamiliar with what a ghost poop is, please refer to these explanations.

so i broke it down to my mom tonight.  told her the moving out dealio.
such a hard thing to do, just as bad as i thought her reaction would be.

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mom: “did you hear, they rescued the captain.”
me: “pardon me?”
mom: “the captain, i guess you didn’t catch it on the news…  pirates took over a US ship and took the captain hostage.”
me: “pirates?”
mom: “yes, somali pirates.”
me: “pirates?”
mom: “yes, modern day pirates – very dangerous people.”

lol

this weekend had its ups and downs. friday was fun, went for drinks afterwork with willie dictionary, then went to dinner with christine and erica…  christine is 4 1/2 months pregnant, CUTIE! and for some reason i haven’t seen her since february, so it was good to catch up with her…  we went to cinco de mayo (shocker) and then just went back to erica’s apartment to chill out – we were just shooting the shit and i was making her and erica laugh so hard they were crying… fun times

saturday morning, my sister and mother got into a huge fight – apparently “because of me” needing a ride to go pick up my jacket from the post office…  (below, sexy. fuck yes. and yeah it’s part/fleece. and it’s not heavy and gross for this time of year at all.)

long story short – sarah had a dr’s appt and was heading out like 20/30 mins from when i woke up so i figured i had time if my mom drove me up to get it, but my sister wasn’t having it…  so i went downstairs and asked my mom if she’d take me fast and she told me to ask my sister…  so i did…

sarah got pissed off that we were asking her for the car because my mom knew “she needed the car all week”, and then my mom got pissed because she was answering me snotty. so she tried to defend me…  don’t know why, but it all escalated between the two of them because they both have bad tempers. they were screaming at each other, and my sister was dropping F-bombs left and right… so my mom told my sister to pack her shit and move out, that she couldn’t take her attitude anymore, and my sister ended up cursing AT her… i just tried to calm the both of them down and make them stop…  i told my mother to stop answering her, and she did…  and then i went upstairs to try to calm sarah down with reasoning and talking and she stopped finally…

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