these will always remind me of my mother<3
i was raised on these full albums. on repeat.
(hover over the thumbnail for the title if you’d like to know what an album is.)

back in my raver days, my mother ALWAYS assumed i was on drugs. so i pussy footed around many conversations and situations where drugs could have been brought up… anyways, one night – we were in the living room watching a movie together and i started smelling flowers.

now this may not seem like a strange thing ordinarily, but my mother:

a) is allergic to perfume, so it definitely wasn’t any type of perfume or air freshener.
b) never has flower scented candles.
c) couldn’t have fresh cut flowers in the house because of our cat josie, who thoroughly enjoys eating fresh flowers.

also: my mother is kind of a medium – she’s got some stories that scare the shit out of me… so when she feels something, i’m a believer.

so now with all that being said… i sat there for a good hour not saying anything about this strange, STRONG smell of fresh cut flowers thinking she’d accuse me of doing acid or some shit… so i started getting chills about it, it was freaking me out… she went into the kitchen to get a drink, came back and asked me if i was smelling them too.

she said she felt something was behind us for a while, but didn’t want to say anything because she knew it’d scare me… she said whatever it was, was good and not harmful… and as soon as she acknowledged it, it went away. she said the feeling, and i stopped smelling flowers.

my mother has no idea how many tattoos i have. and i don’t mean, hey i’ve got hidden ones she doesn’t know about tee-hee-hee… i prance around with them out all the time, and i don’t have any in taboo places… she just has no idea.

i have asked my mother on numerous occasions what my chest tattoo reads, and she has no idea.
ITS ONLY TWO WORDS, lol

what if she had to identify my decapitated body or something?
i’ve had the damn thing for nearly two years…

i love jess-quizzing her, she gets so mad.

i don’t know why she gets so angry with me when she gets the answers wrong, she obviously doesn’t pay enough attention to me… lol

so after explaining what “ghost poops” are to my mom the other day (and her laughing so hard she couldn’t breathe), she sends me this in an email:

“So what else is new?? Any good “ghost” stories lately!! LOL”

– BEST.

PS: if you’re unfamiliar with what a ghost poop is, please refer to these explanations.

so i broke it down to my mom tonight.  told her the moving out dealio.
such a hard thing to do, just as bad as i thought her reaction would be.

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mom: “did you hear, they rescued the captain.”
me: “pardon me?”
mom: “the captain, i guess you didn’t catch it on the news…  pirates took over a US ship and took the captain hostage.”
me: “pirates?”
mom: “yes, somali pirates.”
me: “pirates?”
mom: “yes, modern day pirates – very dangerous people.”

lol

this weekend had its ups and downs. friday was fun, went for drinks afterwork with willie dictionary, then went to dinner with christine and erica…  christine is 4 1/2 months pregnant, CUTIE! and for some reason i haven’t seen her since february, so it was good to catch up with her…  we went to cinco de mayo (shocker) and then just went back to erica’s apartment to chill out – we were just shooting the shit and i was making her and erica laugh so hard they were crying… fun times

saturday morning, my sister and mother got into a huge fight – apparently “because of me” needing a ride to go pick up my jacket from the post office…  (below, sexy. fuck yes. and yeah it’s part/fleece. and it’s not heavy and gross for this time of year at all.)

long story short – sarah had a dr’s appt and was heading out like 20/30 mins from when i woke up so i figured i had time if my mom drove me up to get it, but my sister wasn’t having it…  so i went downstairs and asked my mom if she’d take me fast and she told me to ask my sister…  so i did…

sarah got pissed off that we were asking her for the car because my mom knew “she needed the car all week”, and then my mom got pissed because she was answering me snotty. so she tried to defend me…  don’t know why, but it all escalated between the two of them because they both have bad tempers. they were screaming at each other, and my sister was dropping F-bombs left and right… so my mom told my sister to pack her shit and move out, that she couldn’t take her attitude anymore, and my sister ended up cursing AT her… i just tried to calm the both of them down and make them stop…  i told my mother to stop answering her, and she did…  and then i went upstairs to try to calm sarah down with reasoning and talking and she stopped finally…

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my mothers got this annoying and stupid habit of pussy footing around and implying things instead of just asking direct questions. instead of just asking me if i broke up with steve or not because of course her spidey senses have been tingling, she does that stupid voice and goes “oh where’s steve, doesn’t he usually come over for a while on friday nights?”

my mother doesn’t get the hint that i don’t tell her anything because i never want her stupid reactions or her two cents, and i know “she’s my mother” blah blah blah, i don’t care. we’re not tight on that level, never have been and never will be. i don’t need advice, and when i do want it, i’ll ask for it.

my mother hasn’t dated anyone since 1996, who is she to give me dating advice?
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