soooooo it was me and jens first sleepover in the new apt this weekend – our tradition begins again, woo!

we froze our asses off, boston market’d it up, got boozey, watched movies, got crafty, lots of laughing – god i needed that. ’twas wonderful

she slept over saturday night and then last night too – we hooked up with my former (steve!) and went over to mr thomas phenomas’s for a farewell party… he moved to vegas this morning.

quite a relaxing weekend

it could have turned into who knows what, had i gone out to where I was initially invited…

i met up with jen tonight after work to have some din din at don burrtio (mexican joint near my old apt in brooklyn)… haven’t been down there since i moved out… memories<3

i can’t wait til jen and i can hang out for more than a couple of hours. my move back to queens has really thrown off our schedule of love, lol. it was nice having her stay with me at least once a week… we have a ton of fun. and she’s one of the only people that’ll watch degrassi with me

aww i miss her already

i’m doing well today, finally.
i haven’t felt this stress-free in a month. i don’t know why, not much has changed…
i guess just doing that thing where i ignore things, so they can’t hurt me is helping…
i’ve put them in the back of my little head, so i don’t have to face them.
it’s just easier this way.

“the time it takes, the time it takes to let go.”
- thursday.

i had a lovely weekend

spent a lot of time with erica – actually a lot of the last week was spent with her. i want to get in as much time as i can while i’m still living over here… we had dinner together, hung out at the house because the weather was shit… got drunk. then i wobbled over to the knights to see my love jennifer<333 we drank, had some laughs, went across to the diner and had a romantic late night snack<3 and then we went home... (after waiting an hour for our cabs - worst!)

saturday i slept in and then george asked me if i wanted to go out with him to some bar and it wound up being his brothers birthday. soooo i met his brother (and his fiancé) for the first time at a german restaurant/bar in long island city. it was a lot of fun, they were both super nice we watched the ranger game (it was the first game against scott gomez<3 ugh. anddd the rangers lost, meh.) and then we left after a while... cuddlefest! best!<3 </CORNBALL>

george dropped me off this afternoon and erica and i picked right back up where we left off, chowing down @ cinco de mayo (shocker) drunk&sober by 7PM. we watched the yankee/angels game and then we went shopping and here i sit typing this. when i should have hair dye on my head.

will do that now.

stillllllll can’t find my purple haze dye feck.

yesterday’s move was super annoying, and i feel so horrible for making poor george take part in it… he was such a trooper!<333 our uhaul truck rental was a little late, then we were stuck in never ending traffic in the venus fly trap, i was starrrrrving and i still had a lot of shit to do at the apartment... guh. it was more time consuming than i had thought it would have been. but we did it... with oscar screaming the whole truck ride home... worst. poor thing<3

although i've been complaining and dread my commute every morning, i'm so glad to be here. at this point, i was itching to leave my apartment. i am going to miss it, it was such a nice place, my room/closet were so big (ugh) but i felt so weird being there last month. not even going to get into it, i just can't believe it ended up where it did... can't believe wehe lost touch. whatever. lesson learned, moving along.

all i’ve unpacked (and plan on unpacking) was my clothing. i setup my tv and my computer. that’s it… keeping everything altogether so the next move in a month is easy as pie.

it feels really good to be back here, but strange too. i guess it won’t feel good until i start seeing my friends, i’m sure then i’ll feel back at home… temporarily.

crap, i already miss jen&&&jess sleepovers.
can’t wait til ridgewood sleepovers!

(haha wtf? “time of your life” by green day just came on. really? – how sort of appropriate!)

i kinda feel lost since i’m all packed up. i’m pms’ing and everything has been bothering me… oh the joys of being a woman… i can’t wait until november. new apartment, autumn in FULL effect, glassjaw, thanksgiving (hopefully upstate)… i dunno… hopefully all good things. type, delete. le sigh.

all i wanted to do was come home and watch “the rules of attraction” but the damn dvd is packed away. i should still give a peek, since the bin isn’t closed where all of my movies are… i think i’m going to end up going sleep sooner than i think though.

• pack up my life
• save up $1400 $1100 within 4 weeks
• get shit back to moms (temporarily)
• get new shoe holder
• hear back from mike about place in ridgewood
• throw more shit out!
• buy some towels
• pick up pink wardrobe from andrews upon apartment confirmation

i can’t believe i have to uproot myself again. at least i’m going back to queens. sure, there may be other parts of brooklyn i could be happier in, but it really doesn’t matter… queens is where my family and friends are. and i’m glad i’m going back. not back to the burbs, but close enough to everyone that matters.

if anything, brooklyn heights will someday sway me back. otherwise…

bk isolation – over and out.<3

thanks jen & ilya for making my brooklyn experience so much fun<333

last week was beyond super tense for me. i’m glad i got to unwind this weekend… i really just wanted to have a weekend full of blinding intoxication (which i had accomplished on friday night) but last night was really good… and not out of control.

i had such good peoples roll through… and i love the fact that people from different parts of my life were around each other. it’s always kind of surreal to see that going on… it didn’t get too crazy and we had such a good time.

in addition to amazing company of course, i got a bunch of great gifts… aside from extremely useful gift cards and lots of booze, i got a judge judy dvd from jen (BEST!) and george got me A SELTZER MAKER!!!!!! …turns out that george and i both bought each other beverage gifts for each others birthdays… ??? lol

i just realized i took no pictures of this event… worst.

today i spent the day with jen – we went to roll and roaster, had some corn fritters and chilled out at her house all day. brooklyn adventures! we watched a movie called “thumbsucker”, bridezillas and the new curb your enthusiasm premiered tonight… good stuff. lots of laughs<3

now i just want to run a hot bath and relax… back to work tomorrow

soooooooooo this is what i did:

friday: movie night with my lovie<3 a mi casa…

saturday: went to the jersey shore (long branch) for my cousin kim’s wedding… it took place on the beach at a resort… it was kind of surreal, when i looked around at the hotel behind me and the boarwalk area, it screamed CANCUN! until i looked towards the beach and saw dirty jersey water… lol. bleh. it turned out to be a lot of fun, but super tiring since we were dancing in sand all night…

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sorry about the lack of posts… i get blocked sometimes. life has had some twists and turns in the last two weeks that have left me feeling loopy… i’ve become disappointed, excited, annoyed, nervous, confident… all mixed up, don’t know what to do.

friday night i had an escape from it all… i went to go see the bouncing souls at webster hall (left). i went with steve and a few of his friends that i’ve been acquainted with before (on more than one occasion-they’re just more his friends than mine…). so we had some drinks, caught a buzz and went into the crowd… the set list was okay, no great songs they never play though, but i danced my little ass off and had a lot of fun. one of the better shows i’ve been to in the last two years, i must say.

on saturday afternoon, jen brought her little dog jackson over to meet oscar but oscar wasn’t havin’ it… the attempts were cute though… we made an exquisite, “adult” salad (as jen puts it, lol) and she read my tarot cards… which were kinda on the money. the reading (of course referring to my love life, lol) made me cry, and also gave me positive vibes… at night my friend matt was showcased at a gallery in williamsburg and i went down there to support/enjoy. i met up with jes and her main squeeze KA and my boy george also rolled through… we did a walk-through, chatted it up outside and got our drink on until everyone departed because of the lack of booze at the gallery… so we all went to some bar near where we were and hung out for a bit. george left and we went to hope lounge which SUCKED. the music was horrible and it was filled with vinny mozzarella’s (lol) so we went to the diner and got our eat on.

sunday was supposed to consist of: rox, missy, jen, booze, sun and girl talk… but in actuality, it wound up being: jen, jackie, drizzle, booze, and san loco instead… which turned out to be a fabulous time!<3 …my lazy ass got up way too late to make a free show to see girl talk in the hip(w)-burg (barf!) – so we wound up chillin’ instead… jen slept over and we had a temporary tattoo, bed cuddling, fun time – so all in all, a fun weekend – woo!

we’re such clowns

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…the day that jen and i have been IMPATIENTLY waiting for has finally arrived. oh yes. drum roll please…

hellllll yes! (no, i’m not kidding!!!) haha, i find it so funny i actually found another person in their 20’s that loves degrassi as much as me<3 i could only force my ex's to watch it with me before that... give it a whirl if you never have! ...shit gets deep. a friday night sleepover - what fun! i feel like a teenager again, lol! friday night, degrassi, pajama's, popcorn, (hopefully BEER and/or malibu/juice), PUFFY PILLOW SHARING CUDDLE SESHHHH! okay, i'll stop.

my favorite little inspiration in the world came over tonight ja-ja-ja-JESS!<3! i really love seeing her... we give each other such good ideas about so many things... talks, laughs, brain stormin', and we gave her website a bit of a face lift tonight... she recently put out her "classy criminals" > black on white tshirt – better get one before they’re gone!

i’m too EXHAUSTED to post anymore, i need to lay down. zzz.
gnite gnite gnite!

i don’t know how many of you follow me on twitter or not, but i just posted that this apartment finally feels like home… i just looked at a picture i have of whitestone park and realized that it’s SO far away from where i am this very moment. and i feel better about that than i ever have since moving here.

the picture at the left is off of a shopping bag. i think i got the actual graphic there from my friend sheena’s website… but i know where it’s actually from. i’ve seen it a shit ton of times, it’s a gaudy red and white monstrosity. anyways, this one lady that takes the Q16 (my old bus in queens i would have to take home from main street) used it everyday. i remember after frankie showed me this apartment and the bedroom he was planning on renting, i was very hesitant because this was seriously a huge change. i thought about it and almost didn’t take this place, but my mother & sister got into a huge fight that i was dragged into and i decided i needed out. everytime i saw that bag on the bus it inspired me, so i told frankie yes.

anddddd three months later, here i am, happy… it’s a change of pace, but it’s feeling good now. it’s extremely frustrating because i’m still helping out financially at my mothers house, but it’s still nice to be able to do whatever i want… and i’ve become good friends with jen instead of just saying hi to her at the bar, sitting in another area of the knights of columbus for hours…

i feel like i’ve spoken about brooklyn and this apartment and moving out wayyy too much on this website… but i keep seeing the damn picture above in my computer, and thought this was was cute and wanted to share.

…to share a filthy story!

Jessica: i dropped a pen down my titties
Jessica: it was in my mouth
Jennifer: hahaha
Jessica: and i let it go
Jennifer: that’s hot
Jennifer: take pictures
Jessica: i took it out and put it back in my mouth
Jennifer: lol…
Jessica: that sounds so dirty
Jessica: lol
Jennifer: yes it does
Jessica: lol

…in case you missed it the first time, lol.
…it was the second time that happened that week.

jen just helped me realize my downfall in life. well, i mean i always knew what it was but i have a clear perspective and/or definition now.

i am VERY attentive and quite loyal to people i consider friends. when new people enter my life, i give them total honesty and try to treat them how i’d like be treated. …it’s very easy to be that way, and i feel like if i’m NOT acting that way i’m being rude AND totally not being myself… so i get pissed off and offended if i get treated otherwise, and i call it like it is. and i’ve pissed off two people doing so in the last two years. and everytime i think about those talks, i’ve regretted them because i felt vunerable stating how i felt and someone tried to tell me that was wrong… but fuck that, too bad. they just showed me their true colours and that’s exactly why i’m not regretting it anymore.

(unless i’m being immature and stubborn, i almost feel like one of those “psycho girlfriends” where this is concerned…)

jen says there are other “nice people” out in the world. well i want to know where they are, because i’m sick of running into the types of people that i’ve come across. i just don’t understand why i can’t find people to treat me the way that i treat people. wtf?

…or a girl?

12:24 PM Jen Madden: you and i need to go OUT
12:24 PM Jen Madden: like out out
12:25 PM Jessica: yeah man
12:25 PM Jen Madden: like get dressed like hookers and go somewhere and get crazy
12:25 PM Jessica: so i can wear my slut heels
12:25 PM Jessica: hahhahahhahhaahha
12:25 PM Jen Madden: lol
12:25 PM Jessica: were on the same track
12:25 PM Jessica: i like that
12:25 PM Jen Madden: yeah i need to get some slut heels

so my other half, jen gave me a bunch of great pictures from rolling stone to hang up in my room and i sifted through and found my favorites, the picture above being one of them…  (john is above him, that would explain the black things on either side of him – they’re his arms) i just love it and them so much…  anyways! – as i clean, i keep looking at this pic on my wall…  and i’ve realized that paul looks incredibly fucking hot in this picture.   i kinda wanna tap that. (back then, obv.)

rawr.

friday night consisted offffffff:
my darling jennifer, frankie and a few of his friends, and ilya hangin’ out at our apartment… made some super tasty red wine sangria with the lovely taylor mmm… cut a flap off of the tip of one my friggin’ fingers, eep. got inebriated and cuddled with my lovies…

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had an okay weekend…  was a little stressed out because i couldn’t get my internet up and running on friday as planned…  hung out with my little lovie jen and that was nice :)  we went shopping, i got a sparkly outfit for joanna’s birthday party on saturday…  we got some coffee, came back to my apartment…  just chilled out, watched the N, cuddled, lol…  it was nice.

saturday i took the longest journey home to queens to see erica and my mom, got some food and coffee and drove into brooklyn with steve…  we went to see my co-worker shawn for his birthday in williamsburg and had a few drinks with him before joanna’s thing…  ran into my old roomie christina again for the second time in a week…  it’s just weird because i haven’t seen her in months, and now twice in a week at the most random places…

then we went to trash bar to meet up with joanna… and that bar sucks.  and the crowd made it so shitty.  stupid brooklyn hipsters…  there was no room to stand, walk, sit, drink, dance, move, breathe.  i was getting totally claustrophobic and wanted to leave.  we stayed for a while and left because one of our friends wasn’t allowed in the bar because he was too drunk.  like i said, that bar sucks.  no biggie.

charlie and rob came over today to hang and fix my computer.  charlie had to update my windows and drivers, etc. and get this stupid wi-fi thing going so i could finally use the internet…  insanity not having it for two weeks.  so many things rely on my being on the internet, it’s ridiculous… music, freelancing, weather, email, etc. – it really sucked.  so i have wi-fi connected to some shit connection that keeps going in and out because it won’t pick up frankies router signal, no idea why.  so at some point within the week, i’ve gotta figure that out…

anyways, we did that and then had some yummy japanese food down the street from my house and then they left…  my friend louis came over today – maybe i posted about him – met him in a bar, he likes face to face – texts me lyrics randomly?  ahhhh anyways, he brought over this wonderful dvd and it kept us highly entertained for a while.  i’ve always loved NOFX so much, but it’s so great watching them tour the world.  it made me realize how much i shouldn’t take for granted seeing bands in the US…  especially often – i mean they played all these random countries and had such good turn outs at most of them.  and it’s crazy how many kids show up and ADORE THEM and NEVER get to see them.  like it was their first time playing some countries, the kids must really treasure that.  if i only got to see my favorite band ONCE in life, i don’t know what i would do…  i see the souls on average 2/3 times a year…  i need it.  it’s my sanity.

okay, i’m half asleep and posting so i’m going to lay down.
work in the morning.

:goodnight: