i don’t know why i can’t seem to quit the black shoelace around my neck… it’s kind of been through so much in the last decade, i always think about that when i take something sharp to it – that stops me from cutting it off. i’m such a (weird) sentimental idiot…

one night in 2003, sophie and i wound up going to this kid mike’s house. i was dating/fucking mike (i don’t know what you could call it aside from dramatic bullshit, we never officially dated) – it was going on and off for years… i always sum it up with the song “let’s go to bed” by the cure… anyways, we wound up there and it was a bunch of us drinking and being fools… i was in the kitchen and found one of mike’s shoelaces on the kitchen table. i thought it would be cute to wear his shoelace around my neck so i wrapped it around my neck twice, knotted it super tight and cut it off with a chef’s knife.

i was pretty drunk at this point. i look back and can’t believe i did something so stupid while i was drinking, i could have really done something stupid and hurt myself…

at any rate, i love this thing and i can’t seem to part with it.
i’ve made a lot of memories wearing this thing since then.

countless shows, foreign countries, through various boys and girls, the romanian, the tsevis tragedy, through all of my cascarino’s days, several states, drunken nights, my apartments, horrible moments, glorious moments… just a ton of experiences. it’s like, part of me.

can’t part with it yet, lol. maybe i’ll cut it off in 2013 so that i can say i wore it for an entire decade of my life…

courtesy of: downtown sasquatch LOL

Drink whenever:

• Canadian stuff, eh? (any reference to canada i.e. saying “aboot” or the presence of mounties)
• Paige says “hun”
• Jimmy is using his legs
• Any character is left with blue balls (girl or guy)
• Hazel and/or Terri are insignificant
• Liberty needs a deep dicking
• Emma mentions the environment
• Emma is a cunt
• Craig is batshit crazy
• There’s bad parenting
• Sean is gangsta
• It goes there and/or is 100% intense
• Manny is a slut
• Media Immersion is mentioned
• Ellie is depressing or is wearing something bought at Hot Topic
• Emma’s Dad is retarded
• Marco is gay
• There’s a random black person or lesbian in the background

soph and i went to bk tonight to visit one of my friends workin one of the local w/burg bars…
…had a hot & heavy make-out sesh with a boy that has had a (mutual) crush on me for two years. RAWR!

one of my “him”’s was there… (referring to one of two ASSHOLES i “dated/hooked up with” last year – a friend of his…)

i kinda felt bad after we disappeared for like, almost ten minutes, but oh well…. you decided not to date me, and you haven’t been a friend… (i didn’t do anything on purpose, i didn’t know he was even going to be there – but w/e – i went to make moves mannnnnn, so i made ‘em.)… he left me hanging back then, and obviously never gave a shit, so what am i supposed to do?

sophie and i got rather tipsy, had fun, came home.

here i sit with beef ramen<3 (BEST) and i’m about to fall asleep.

…good times.

i had a lovely weekend

spent a lot of time with erica – actually a lot of the last week was spent with her. i want to get in as much time as i can while i’m still living over here… we had dinner together, hung out at the house because the weather was shit… got drunk. then i wobbled over to the knights to see my love jennifer<333 we drank, had some laughs, went across to the diner and had a romantic late night snack<3 and then we went home... (after waiting an hour for our cabs - worst!)

saturday i slept in and then george asked me if i wanted to go out with him to some bar and it wound up being his brothers birthday. soooo i met his brother (and his fiancé) for the first time at a german restaurant/bar in long island city. it was a lot of fun, they were both super nice we watched the ranger game (it was the first game against scott gomez<3 ugh. anddd the rangers lost, meh.) and then we left after a while... cuddlefest! best!<3 </CORNBALL>

george dropped me off this afternoon and erica and i picked right back up where we left off, chowing down @ cinco de mayo (shocker) drunk&sober by 7PM. we watched the yankee/angels game and then we went shopping and here i sit typing this. when i should have hair dye on my head.

will do that now.

stillllllll can’t find my purple haze dye feck.

soooooooooo this is what i did:

friday: movie night with my lovie<3 a mi casa…

saturday: went to the jersey shore (long branch) for my cousin kim’s wedding… it took place on the beach at a resort… it was kind of surreal, when i looked around at the hotel behind me and the boarwalk area, it screamed CANCUN! until i looked towards the beach and saw dirty jersey water… lol. bleh. it turned out to be a lot of fun, but super tiring since we were dancing in sand all night…

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sorry about the lack of posts… i get blocked sometimes. life has had some twists and turns in the last two weeks that have left me feeling loopy… i’ve become disappointed, excited, annoyed, nervous, confident… all mixed up, don’t know what to do.

friday night i had an escape from it all… i went to go see the bouncing souls at webster hall (left). i went with steve and a few of his friends that i’ve been acquainted with before (on more than one occasion-they’re just more his friends than mine…). so we had some drinks, caught a buzz and went into the crowd… the set list was okay, no great songs they never play though, but i danced my little ass off and had a lot of fun. one of the better shows i’ve been to in the last two years, i must say.

on saturday afternoon, jen brought her little dog jackson over to meet oscar but oscar wasn’t havin’ it… the attempts were cute though… we made an exquisite, “adult” salad (as jen puts it, lol) and she read my tarot cards… which were kinda on the money. the reading (of course referring to my love life, lol) made me cry, and also gave me positive vibes… at night my friend matt was showcased at a gallery in williamsburg and i went down there to support/enjoy. i met up with jes and her main squeeze KA and my boy george also rolled through… we did a walk-through, chatted it up outside and got our drink on until everyone departed because of the lack of booze at the gallery… so we all went to some bar near where we were and hung out for a bit. george left and we went to hope lounge which SUCKED. the music was horrible and it was filled with vinny mozzarella’s (lol) so we went to the diner and got our eat on.

sunday was supposed to consist of: rox, missy, jen, booze, sun and girl talk… but in actuality, it wound up being: jen, jackie, drizzle, booze, and san loco instead… which turned out to be a fabulous time!<3 …my lazy ass got up way too late to make a free show to see girl talk in the hip(w)-burg (barf!) – so we wound up chillin’ instead… jen slept over and we had a temporary tattoo, bed cuddling, fun time – so all in all, a fun weekend – woo!

i woke up to a text from my babe rox who wanted to chill out at coney (holy fuck she makes me feel pale, lol… look at my legs! i need a tan!) – the siren music fest was going on, so we were gonna hit that up. i heard a lot about it all week but i didn’t know what type of music it was or anything so i checked out their website. this year i only knew two bands from the line-up. i checked out the other years and there are some GOOD bands on the past events. cursive played in 2007! aaaaaaaaaaaand i wasn’t there, boo that.

so i’m on my way to her… on the Q train, sitting in the two seaters at the end of the car, sippin’ on my huge iced coffee, texting away, minding my business… when this dude feels the need to come next to me and undo his belt/pants and tuck in his wife beater and redo his belt. ew. as if that wasn’t horrid enough to have to witness, he starts doing a train car workout.

could i even make this shit up? (pics after the jump)
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friday night consisted offffffff:
my darling jennifer, frankie and a few of his friends, and ilya hangin’ out at our apartment… made some super tasty red wine sangria with the lovely taylor mmm… cut a flap off of the tip of one my friggin’ fingers, eep. got inebriated and cuddled with my lovies…

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i know, it’s been boring around here…  i live a boring life people…
i promise to spark it up soon – i have a lot going on in may
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
okay so saturday, now that i’m not heated over the FUCKING asshole anymore…

aside from getting into a screaming match with steve, and then bitching him out…  i ran into a lot of my friends, got HIGHLY inebriated, and also made an ass of myself.  for the most part, had a good time.

my friend john came out.  which was cool and strange. (we sorta used to hang out/date? in 2005)  …i had not seen him in ages…  he’s best friends with two kids that used to work at casci’s with me (one was with him, one of his friends i know was there too), that’s how we met…  and we had a good time.  turns out he’s got an anchor tattoo on his arm that reads “worship” & “tribute” in the scrolls.  HOW COOL/WEIRD? lol.  (okay, if you don’t know i have an anchor tattoo on my left arm and “worship/tribute” on my chest).  he says he told me about it but i honestly couldn’t remember and was amazed.  laura kept saying we were fated to be together… lol.  and yes, obv. he’s a huge glassjaw fan as well.

i saw one of andrews old friends and one of jeffs old friends – together.  weird, i hadn’t seen them in years either.  i can’t say that i remember most of our conversation other than mike telling me he was breeding his pitbull and joe loved that i could still spell his intricate italian last name in my phone, lol…  they were with my ex jeff’s ex marilyn who i take the bus/train with into work.  oh our little queens towns…

and the usual suspects were there…
and erica was out for a bit…

erica and i had gone out for dinner/sangria at like 6 and that’s when the madness started.  i didn’t get home until almost 4:45 AM.  you can only imagine the state that i was in.  i don’t remember a lot of the end of the night…  laura left to see her ex at some point that was working down the block at the tanning salon, my friends are lushes that stayed there, steve left after we fought, asshole left and i wound up making fun of him and what his ex was wearing (not knowing it was his ex – lace stockings and jean shorts? she’s not even fierce enough for that – pfft.) and stumbled home.

may 1st is just ’round the corner!!! – so i got a lot of shit packed, my walls are looking mighty bare, and it’s so weird.  i hate it.  it’s freaking me out.  i won’t live here anymore…  ever again.  not with mommy either.  not that it’s cut the cord type shit around here, most of the time we can just live together without pissing each other off, and i just love her.  i kinda find it funny/ironic that the apartment we lived in together when it was just me and her when i was a weee little stu (1-4 yrs old),  before sarah was born is directly around the corner from this apartment i’m typing from right now…  and now i’m leaving her from here…

predestined paths.

(i believe in life magic, lol)

there are little white dots all over the walls from where i had stuff taped up, my monster collage walls…  still nowhere near as bad as my old house, but enough…

…i’m gonna miss my little mid-urb neighborhood…  i realized that last night when i was getting home from work.  i had to leave early because of ridiculously horrible cramps, and wound up being back here while it was still light out.  and quite warm.  – i love spring time so much.  and it looks so pretty around here – all the big/little houses with such character (especially the tudors! – fave!) – flowers and trees…  not buildings and hustle/bustle…  well not too much of it anyways, especially on my side streets…

in fact walking home during spring/summer and fall nights from bell is one of my favorite things in the world.  once the warm weather hits, i live for it.  good exercise and it clears the head…  so this weekend, i gotta fit it in before i won’t be around all the time.  especially to sleep here…  although i’m sure i’ll be here for many drunken nights that i’ll end up crashing on the couch…  haha i’m acting like i’m gonna be in another state or country…  but brooklyn – especially where i’m going to be – is kinda far.  especially when you don’t drive.  and now i REALLY don’t have the need to, lol.  and i think it’s gonna be a way different crowd than around here.

BLAH BLAH BLAH.
i’ve got a closet the size of  a small bedroom and a red haired italian boy to get tattoo’d with often!

so…  in other news.  the rangers won tonight (snoozefest, i know – but it’s the playoffs! – GO LUNDQVIST! GO DUBEY!<333) anddd i finally got my rosary ring that i had ordered… one size too big – so it’s on my middle finger instead of my ring finger…
(note to self: SIZE 5 ring finger.)

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well, DUHHHH!  i forgot that everyone gives a flying fudge about what i do on the weekends, and i forgot to share what i did this past one…

friday: erica’s!
saturday: cascarino’s w/erica and then we went to the mall – i finally got an iphone, i got this wonderful piece of sexy bag that is known as my new snakeskin betseyville bag (it needs more purple on it betsey, boo you!) – i got the newest DKNY perfume, yum! and some ridiculously large, awesome, neon pink, $11 bag from target… haha, my bags were on different price spectrum’s that day…

sunday: krays/casualties free show @ club europa in brooklyn…  sweaty, friend filled, free, lots of beer, HOURS of music, cute punk rock boys, my shiny pants (lol), i finally broke out the op-ivy shirt i drew…  more beer.  phil’s moustache, tim got arrested, BILLY TAINT!, jimmy chune?, jorge with emo hair, jake with a mullet, ridic! pictures i won’t be able to get from joanna because i’m “not on facebook” wahhhhh, bite me – that website sucks, lol.

andddddd that was my exciting weekend.

wonder why you were stuck in my subconscious last night.  i’ve never even looked at you in that way, but those piercing eyes were so intense last night…  woof.  and i don’t even like blue eyes, weird…. and so hot.

when we went to the souls at cha cha’s in coney two years ago, we were all pre-gaming at this bar down the boardwalk and i was sitting with missy and steve…  it was raining that day, gloomy, chilly…  it was august i think.  anyways, i was talking to missy who was on my left and i looked down the bar towards the front of the place and bryan walks over in this ridiculously ugly, dark green poncho and was staring into the place.  i guess maybe he was looking for someone…  so after like 2/3 minutes i gave him this big dumb grin from ear to ear and he smiled back big and walked away. missy and steve laughed at me, i must have looked so dumb.

blah blah blah.

so on friday: me and sophs did the holiday cocktail lounge again, we found out the owner died two weeks ago.  sad!

the guy who’s running the place now has redone it a little, at least he’s keeping it open.  it’s cute, they’ve got wings now and he gets excited everytime someone orders them…  they were eh.  no down the hatch wings, but good enough for bar food.  so we did that and then went over to bell blvd for her friend olivia’s birthday gathering…  which i was worried about because she’s friends with people i don’t really associate with, but they wound up not going…  so it was cool.

ran into a few friends i haven’t seen in a while…  there were three of us with matching souls broken heart tattoo’s, it was cute to see them all together.  didn’t get drunk.  i don’t know how i didn’t get wasted,  i was drinking from 7PM til 3AM, but i love it.  i had a nice, long, unsloppy buzz.

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i went to a birthday party yesterday for erica’s cousin… it was fun, her family is great – i like them a lot.  they remind me of my family a bit – when we actually used to get together – not much of that anymore as we get older :(  i miss our big family get togethers so much.

we all just joked around all day, bullshitted about life, tattoos, family, looked at pictures, put down some cervezas, and i was eating all day and wasn’t getting full. shit, i hope i don’t have a tapeworm! AHHHHHHH!!!! lol.

then we went home late and watched the nip/tuck episode we both missed on tuesday.  and an episode of family guy…  and then i went out to the bar.  met up with HIM and his friend, got drunk, slept over again like nothing ever happened.  woke up, had some french toast and was extremely disappointed over the ranger game, and now i’ve landed here again.  at this little purple desk.

at least things are normal between us and i don’t feel like i like him anymore.  i just honestly enjoy being in his arms, having someone to make out with, cuddling…  but i love just being his friend.

why can’t i just take things about various boys that i like/date and mold a super boy? UGH.

i really want to get motivated to do something with myself until later…  me, my mom, my sister and her boyfriend are  going to see friday the 13th…  and tomorrow i have my annual physical – YAY!  i haven’t been to my general doctor in like four years because i haven’t had medical insurance until now…

i want some dunkin donuts, but my shower is calling my name.
dunkin donuts first, don’t wanna go out with a wet head…

shit ended early tonight. weird.

we didn’t cross paths.
but it’ll happen again someday soon.
i know i’m crawling around in your head.
but whatever.

i can’t wait for this weekends heat wave.

gotta get to sleep. lots to do tomorrow.

saucony jazz’s are the best<3
these are some of my gray guys.
i thought they looked cute all grouped together.
i wore each of them at one point this week.<3

i’m waiting for my ride, then going to the bahhh.
this weekend looks productive and relaxing at the same time.  i like that.

wow the superbowl is boring! zzzzzzzz.

i was falling asleep on erica’s couch, so i came home instead of putting myself through that anymore…  gonna hit the shower and the pillow.  i had a long ass day…

i like to go to cascarino’s on the weekends to chill out with erica and the gang…  i went to barnes and noble today, bought my favorite little mexican aniceto a english/spanish translation book and then was on my way over to the restaurant…   i brought UNO, had good eats/good company…  lots of caffiene and then booze @ winnie’s…  then i wound up working?  tattoo’s exposed and all, lol.   it was kinda weird, but kinda fun at the same time.

i just want to rest.  and damn the weekend for going too fast.  i’m in need of a lazy day, dammit.

secret, private section of the LIRR.
ROMANTIC!

tonight was odd,  yet fun.  me and soph went to go support/watch yak ballz (& nick hook) @ some pub in midtown…   met up with my buddy frankie…  strangest show ever.  or combination of performers, rather…   le yak has got some great stage presence…  had a good time.

i didn’t take any pictures, but frankie did.
frankie is still out, so i have nothing to share with this online world of mine….

i’m just baffled… seriously?…
don’t fucking text me or call me to hang out IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO FUCKING PICK UP THE PHONE.  i don’t get it.  why bother even contacting me?  yo, just leave me the fuck alone then.  move along…  it’s a must, let’s call the whole thing OFF.

oh yeah, and fuck straight hair.  it’s SO fucking BORING.
until shit is down to my waist again, curly it is!
and i’m gonna punch that bitch from supercuts in the face if i ever see her again for cutting layers into my hair in the front. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

so last night was holiday cocktail lounge night with sophie (and greenwood) and when sophie and i were finally going home, i found this guy behind me.  i thought the way he was sleeping was HILARIOUS when i was drunk…  i didn’t even see him when i sat down, so it was a funny find!

i still find it strange/creepy looking now though…  you can’t tell very well in this photo, but it looked like his head was going to fall off of his body.  it was hanging back so far.