things are changing.
my comfortable, habitual little world is shifting again…

two things that are going to soon affect me.  they’re both negative/positive and up in the air…  it’s all so 50/50 right now.  i’m trying to keep a positive outlook because they’re happening as spring approaches…  sort of scary, sort of refreshing.  i know that my usual winter laziness and depression will melt away with all of the stupid, dirty nyc snow.  either way, i can’t talk about either thing on here yet for two separate reasons.  i hate that i can’t just let things spill out, but one of the things i was told not to publicly speak about…  and the other i just can’t yet.

i’m seriously keeping this positive mental attitude so that i don’t spiral downward just in case it all doesn’t rule in my favor…  it’s times like these where it just hits me that that i’m always so carefree and worried about having fun, being free and staying young…  that’s all good stuff, i know… BUT! (…and this is very hard for me to accept…) i also can’t help also thinking sometimes about how i’m wasting time not wanting to grow up, start my company, get married and make babies in the room above. (no seriously, i WILL have that as my sleeping quarters.)

i think it’s just the whole turning thirty this year shit.  it’s making me think about “seriously, start getting your shit together already, jess…” because time flies (way too quickly).

i’m not doing the usual “omg, i’m gonna be old” shit… obviously i know i’m not going to magically change this september 19th, lol…  but i honestly think thirty is time to spring into preparing for “adult life” a little more than i did in my twenties is all…

on a non-dramatic note: i really just want next month to be here already so i can be HAPPY, cozy and loveddddddd and free-flowing with whatever is happening in my cornball life…  i hate feeling stifled and censored.

i usually feel like i haven’t grown up… in fact, i literally just finished rearranging my toy shelf… lol.

but then i thought to myself, oh yeah. so what if i did just rearrange my toy shelf… i did it my very own apartment (roommate free) that i’ve had for exactly a year.

go go gadget responsible adult life!

jessica: what age do gauged ears seem like omg take them out already
lauren: Idk
lauren: I never think its ridic
lauren: Unless you could put ur fist through
jessica: lol ewww
jessica: i cant imagine having like, mature looking plugs or anything though
jessica: stone and stuff sure
jessica: but i dunno i feel like someday its just gonna not hold anymore lol
lauren: Nah the only ones I don’t think is age appropriate are eyebrows and tongue piercings
jessica: yeah thats why i took out my tongue
jessica: i miss it though
jessica: ps eyebrow rings are decade appropriate
jessica: LOL
jessica: should not exist past the 90s
lauren: Hahahaha
lauren: I had my tongue too
lauren: Unfortunately took it out
laurenguns
laurenguns Lol @ eyebrow comment

these will always remind me of my mother<3
i was raised on these full albums. on repeat.
(hover over the thumbnail for the title if you’d like to know what an album is.)

i’m thinking of ditching stujessica and moving on to S2JESSICA.

big things, big things.

i think it’s more mature, and at least then i can tell people it’s to match my freelance company S2UDIO…

…this is going to be a slow/hard transition.

i mean, i am approaching thirty, lol.

so i broke it down to my mom tonight.  told her the moving out dealio.
such a hard thing to do, just as bad as i thought her reaction would be.

(more…)

there was a lot of it last night at vezza’s bday party.

i love how i hang out with so many different people, and different scenes and types of people.  but i always love hanging out with people i go to shows with, and just bug out and drink all night with.  these are the twenty something years i’m going to remember as right before i grew up…

speaking of growing up…
with all the “resolution” BS buzz going on, it’s been inspiring me in subtle ways…  and it makes me think of 5 years from now type shit…  and i’m scared thinking about it.

i keep hearing “oh shut up” when i keep saying i’m gonna be 30 soon because i just turned 27…  but honestly, it’s just around the corner.  and not that i’m not gonna be having fun or in my 30′s or anything, of course i am, but not the way that i am now…  but that decade – i feel will make or break my whole path in life.  i feel like every other tradition i haven’t followed in life will carry out and i won’t get married or have kids or something…  (no i didn’t have a sweet sixteen, no i didn’t go to prom, or even go to my own high school graduation, etc).  i should take it one year at a time, lol.  (psycho!)  but i know myself and just have a gut feeling, and i don’t wanna end up like that.

last year i went through a bunch of things.  good stuff, bad stuff…  some mature, some immature.  but i learn from my mistakes and can’t wait to just move on and get into the clear.

i’ve really gotta start a savings account this year.  and i think a good hunk of freelance dough is going in there.  and i’m throwing in at least $40-$80 every time i get paid also.  it’ll all add up quickly!  just gotta get the ball rolling.

ugh, i still have to file a claim against a band i will not mention for not paying me for a website…  that’s gotta be done this next week or the one after.  can’t let that slip. even if its chump change.

whatever. coffee and cake tonight.
later aligators.