um. going to shows, hanging out with lauren and wilma, hanging out with jes, getting aggravated by a dude, being pleasantly surprised by another, meeting a new one, freelancing, going on a date?, going upstate a couple of times, hanging out at my moms, decorating for xmas, drinking too much coffee and booze, getting crazy on the ex, xmas shopping, crafting, cleaning, staying warm, etc.

the confusing bore that is my life… hopefully all changing soon.

i’m saving all of the t-shirt images for editing into their designated folders, when i just realized that i was doing this while depeche mode’s “waiting for the night” is playing…  which always reminds me of george (it’s his favorite band), who just so happens to be the one who took the product pictures for rob… (who was all mine this time last year…  bleh. george, not rob, lol.) and then i open up the first email from rob, and the name of the first shirt is named “ceremony”… a new order song that reminds me of rob, always. (we totally made out from queens to upstate one night while ryan was driving and we were listening to mostly new wave the entire ride up…  i remember that was one of the first songs to play that night…) #ohgirlbrains

BLAH.

i miss the days of ryan (and of course, ryan)
friday was the 5th year of his death, unbelievable…  so sad.

in my inbox:
a) some dude who said he “noticed that i like grunge”
b) toxic avenger had a suggested lover for me to check out
c) rick casualty (yes, of the casualties) – going back and forth about meeting up at a show.
d) ilya and i (along with his comments to me) when i had a huge crush on him back in ’03, going back and forth like strung out idiots not making any type of sense
e) ilya’s friends and i talking, i didn’t know them then but i did this summer
f) me and charlie’s friendship beginnings<3
g) a message to george about piercing my nipples (circa '03)
h) random people messaging me about a vibrator in my picture (shocker)

oh friendster, how entertaining you were for the last hour – thanks.

(i know, i know – enough already, lol)

it’s not helping that i think of:
the art show, the accidental gravitational pull meeting in union square, the kiss in front of the numbers, the blueberry beers, the note you left in my bag, showers, 30 rock, so many songs, cute texts + emails, being with you in my apt in brooklyn, cuddles, laughs, your couch, SVU, your bed, how you loved smelling me, etc.

things that don’t help:
the office seltzer machine, so many songs, seeing random pictures of you on the internet via our friends, anything wall-e, depeche mode, etc.

i should keep thinking of:
how you weren’t with me on my birthday at midnight, how i wasn’t invited certain places/times, how you had a sleepover i wasn’t invited to, someone elses boobs, being weird, being lonely, rarely seeing you, me crying, being strung along like an idiot, HOW YOU WEREN’T THERE WHEN I FOUND OUT MY FATHER DIED DURING THE HOLIDAYS, etc.

ah, good old perspective. thanks<3

i unfollowed your twitter, i deleted your blog url’s, lost you as a contact on flickr, you’re off the buddy list, phone next?

a little immature, i suppose.

i just don’t want to know what you’re doing without me in your life

i miss you<3

what horrible timing, i could use you right now.

although i shouldn’t complain about this year too much… i made some great friends/reconnected with others this year though, although brooklyn was short lived it was fun… only thing i hope for the rest of this year is to get into my fucking apartment already and to have a person to kiss on new years…

a little premature to be bringing up new years, whatever. i’ll just get it out of the way now, lol.

…taken from last years wrap up post:
“my goals for 2009?
moving out, having fun, learning more for/through work and filtering out useless people and things.
and getting rid of the red base my hair has had to endure in 2008.”

- got a lot done. haha “useless” people. le sigh.
i did get rid of that red base.

fuck it, i’m going back to black in 2010. it’ll look hot with other sectioned colours/half bangs mixed into it.

hope i got it all out, i don’t wanna do this again.

my homie rob just got his new shirts printed – go check that out… NOW.
ha my boyfriend takes the pics of the product and i code the site – how cute – TEAMWORK!<3

first thing she does is look at me and goes “WHO ARE YOU?”. i’m like ??? WHO ARE YOU??? lol. and so i sit down to eat and she starts walking underneath the eat in kitchen bar thing and starts tickling my feet and then my back. i’m like dude, who are you? HOW OLD ARE YOU? lol… i needed details.

she was four, and her name was faith.

she told me that my pasta was gross and she kept tickling my sides and then started scratching my back and then ran away into bens room… a few minutes later she comes back and asks me “why is your hair orange?”. she said her daddy didn’t like it, and that i’m the “crazy” girl… so i called erica’s cousin ben out to the kitchen to explain how little children work. if they hear something, the repeat it. he kinda laughed and tried to explain why he said it.

she followed us into the living room and kept climbing all over me. stacking pillows next to me, chatting it up… it was adorable. i LOVE talking to little kids (2/3-6 are the best!)… i taught her to say “LETS GO RANGERS” but she just kept saying “GO RANGERS!”. annnnnndddd they lost.

at one point, she elbowed me in the boob. so i had to explain to her why it hurt, and what a boob was. and she went OHHHHHH! and grabbed a handful of my righty, and ripped it forward. good day to wear a non-padded bra… owww. she laughed. and ran.

i liked her. aside from injuring me…

we got some coffee to escape the child-insanity and then i came home…

i was cleaning/throwing out shit i don’t want anymore. donating some as well… i got rid of so much crap during the move to/from brooklyn… productive! once i’m settled in the apartment i’m going to sell whatever i think is “good/rare” shit and don’t want to donate… ebay or etsy or something, i dunno.

george came by to kiss me goodnight<3 he was in the ‘hood.
cutie!

we’re going to go see dethklok & mastodon tomorrow @ hammerstein
(yes, from adult swim)
should be scary, and very metal.

…off to dreamland.