what have i been doing? i feel like i haven’t really posted here.

um. going to shows, hanging out with lauren and wilma, hanging out with jes, getting aggravated by a dude, being pleasantly surprised by another, meeting a new one, freelancing, going on a date?, going upstate a couple of times, hanging out at my moms, decorating for xmas, drinking too much coffee and booze, getting crazy on the ex, xmas shopping, crafting, cleaning, staying warm, etc.

the confusing bore that is my life… hopefully all changing soon.

i’m getting ready to start editing only ones t-shirts that are about to be launched, and aint this some wacky synchronized-coincidence shit…

i’m saving all of the t-shirt images for editing into their designated folders, when i just realized that i was doing this while depeche mode’s “waiting for the night” is playing…  which always reminds me of george (it’s his favorite band), who just so happens to be the one who took the product pictures for rob… (who was all mine this time last year…  bleh. george, not rob, lol.) and then i open up the first email from rob, and the name of the first shirt is named “ceremony”… a new order song that reminds me of rob, always. (we totally made out from queens to upstate one night while ryan was driving and we were listening to mostly new wave the entire ride up…  i remember that was one of the first songs to play that night…) #ohgirlbrains

BLAH.

i miss the days of ryan (and of course, ryan)
friday was the 5th year of his death, unbelievable…  so sad.

charlie and i just signed onto friendster for the first time in like, almost a decade, lol…
quite entertaining things were going on in there.

in my inbox:
a) some dude who said he “noticed that i like grunge”
b) toxic avenger had a suggested lover for me to check out
c) rick casualty (yes, of the casualties) – going back and forth about meeting up at a show.
d) ilya and i (along with his comments to me) when i had a huge crush on him back in ’03, going back and forth like strung out idiots not making any type of sense
e) ilya’s friends and i talking, i didn’t know them then but i did this summer
f) me and charlie’s friendship beginnings<3
g) a message to george about piercing my nipples (circa '03)
h) random people messaging me about a vibrator in my picture (shocker)

oh friendster, how entertaining you were for the last hour – thanks.

…if i denied that i’m fighting off a tiny little tear sesh.
i’m upset at myself for this.

(i know, i know – enough already, lol)
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delete delete!
doin’ a clean sweep!

i unfollowed your twitter, i deleted your blog url’s, lost you as a contact on flickr, you’re off the buddy list, phone next?

a little immature, i suppose.

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i miss how perfectly together our bodies just… fit.

i have nothing productive to even say this week, i’ve been under so much stress lately… i feel like all i do is whine about my horrible, sad (love) life and i don’t want to do that here… this year is coming to a close soon, thank god… i can’t wait to start a new one… 2009 has been nothing but stress. asshole/stupid boys, ditched some bitches and shitty people, family contributions have been ruining me… gotta get that shitty little dark cloud out of my life MAN.

although i shouldn’t complain about this year too much… i made some great friends/reconnected with others this year though, although brooklyn was short lived it was fun… only thing i hope for the rest of this year is to get into my fucking apartment already and to have a person to kiss on new years…

a little premature to be bringing up new years, whatever. i’ll just get it out of the way now, lol.

…taken from last years wrap up post:
“my goals for 2009?
moving out, having fun, learning more for/through work and filtering out useless people and things.
and getting rid of the red base my hair has had to endure in 2008.”

- got a lot done. haha “useless” people. le sigh.
i did get rid of that red base.

fuck it, i’m going back to black in 2010. it’ll look hot with other sectioned colours/half bangs mixed into it.

i think i just cried myself into a coma.
about to hit the sheets.
these eyes burn.

hope i got it all out, i don’t wanna do this again.

my homie rob just got his new shirts printed – go check that out… NOW.
ha my boyfriend takes the pics of the product and i code the site – how cute – TEAMWORK!<3

so i went over to erica’s tonight to watch the rangers vs. islanders game, and there was this tiny asian girl running around the house. this was quite perplexing, seeing as that there are three colombian people living in the house, but it turned out to be erica’s cousin ben’s friend’s kid.

first thing she does is look at me and goes “WHO ARE YOU?”. i’m like ??? WHO ARE YOU??? lol. and so i sit down to eat and she starts walking underneath the eat in kitchen bar thing and starts tickling my feet and then my back. i’m like dude, who are you? HOW OLD ARE YOU? lol… i needed details.

she was four, and her name was faith.

she told me that my pasta was gross and she kept tickling my sides and then started scratching my back and then ran away into bens room… a few minutes later she comes back and asks me “why is your hair orange?”. she said her daddy didn’t like it, and that i’m the “crazy” girl… so i called erica’s cousin ben out to the kitchen to explain how little children work. if they hear something, the repeat it. he kinda laughed and tried to explain why he said it.

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i had a lovely weekend

spent a lot of time with erica – actually a lot of the last week was spent with her. i want to get in as much time as i can while i’m still living over here… we had dinner together, hung out at the house because the weather was shit… got drunk. then i wobbled over to the knights to see my love jennifer<333 we drank, had some laughs, went across to the diner and had a romantic late night snack<3 and then we went home... (after waiting an hour for our cabs - worst!)

saturday i slept in and then george asked me if i wanted to go out with him to some bar and it wound up being his brothers birthday. soooo i met his brother (and his fiancé) for the first time at a german restaurant/bar in long island city. it was a lot of fun, they were both super nice we watched the ranger game (it was the first game against scott gomez<3 ugh. anddd the rangers lost, meh.) and then we left after a while... cuddlefest! best!<3 </CORNBALL>

george dropped me off this afternoon and erica and i picked right back up where we left off, chowing down @ cinco de mayo (shocker) drunk&sober by 7PM. we watched the yankee/angels game and then we went shopping and here i sit typing this. when i should have hair dye on my head.

will do that now.

stillllllll can’t find my purple haze dye feck.

it’s 1AM… i wanted to be in bed sleeping already but of course i got caught up in some other stuff tonight.

went to erica’s, watched the game. the rangers lost (boo).

went to get food @ casci’s… ran into so many people<3
went to the bar to see my dad (KK!), watched the yankees lose (yay).
got loose, went home.

i just wanted to see my fafi tonight, and i couldn’t.
it’s so frustrating when you just want to see someone and you can’t.
i just want to spoon him all night. (lol)

i kinda want to throw a fit, lol.

i want to stay home tomorrow.
i want to veg out, watch tv, sleep in, do nothing.
(damn work getting in the way)

i don’t even know what i’m doing this weekend. i can’t remember if i made any plans or not.

i just want to move into my new place and get settled. living out of two bags and the shit in my dresser is making me nutso.

i’m going to bed.

yesterday’s move was super annoying, and i feel so horrible for making poor george take part in it… he was such a trooper!<333 our uhaul truck rental was a little late, then we were stuck in never ending traffic in the venus fly trap, i was starrrrrving and i still had a lot of shit to do at the apartment... guh. it was more time consuming than i had thought it would have been. but we did it... with oscar screaming the whole truck ride home... worst. poor thing<3

although i've been complaining and dread my commute every morning, i'm so glad to be here. at this point, i was itching to leave my apartment. i am going to miss it, it was such a nice place, my room/closet were so big (ugh) but i felt so weird being there last month. not even going to get into it, i just can't believe it ended up where it did... can't believe wehe lost touch. whatever. lesson learned, moving along.

all i’ve unpacked (and plan on unpacking) was my clothing. i setup my tv and my computer. that’s it… keeping everything altogether so the next move in a month is easy as pie.

it feels really good to be back here, but strange too. i guess it won’t feel good until i start seeing my friends, i’m sure then i’ll feel back at home… temporarily.

crap, i already miss jen&&&jess sleepovers.
can’t wait til ridgewood sleepovers!

(haha wtf? “time of your life” by green day just came on. really? – how sort of appropriate!)

i kinda feel lost since i’m all packed up. i’m pms’ing and everything has been bothering me… oh the joys of being a woman… i can’t wait until november. new apartment, autumn in FULL effect, glassjaw, thanksgiving (hopefully upstate)… i dunno… hopefully all good things. type, delete. le sigh.

all i wanted to do was come home and watch “the rules of attraction” but the damn dvd is packed away. i should still give a peek, since the bin isn’t closed where all of my movies are… i think i’m going to end up going sleep sooner than i think though.

uhhhhhhhhhhh – my boyfriend looks like sean lennon!

  

george: hi!
george: i just wanted to say hi….
george: listening to music and thought of you
jessica: i think of you whenever i hear 937937 songs, for realz.
jessica: hi<333 http://www.zwani.com/graphics/i_miss_you/images/11.jpg
george: so cute
jessica: what music were you listening to when you thought of me?
george: rod stewart
jessica: lol
george: love touch
jessica: LOL
george: so gay
george: hahaha
jessica: omg
jessica: i just lol’d
jessica: i’m blogging that

last week was beyond super tense for me. i’m glad i got to unwind this weekend… i really just wanted to have a weekend full of blinding intoxication (which i had accomplished on friday night) but last night was really good… and not out of control.

i had such good peoples roll through… and i love the fact that people from different parts of my life were around each other. it’s always kind of surreal to see that going on… it didn’t get too crazy and we had such a good time.

in addition to amazing company of course, i got a bunch of great gifts… aside from extremely useful gift cards and lots of booze, i got a judge judy dvd from jen (BEST!) and george got me A SELTZER MAKER!!!!!! …turns out that george and i both bought each other beverage gifts for each others birthdays… ??? lol

i just realized i took no pictures of this event… worst.

today i spent the day with jen – we went to roll and roaster, had some corn fritters and chilled out at her house all day. brooklyn adventures! we watched a movie called “thumbsucker”, bridezillas and the new curb your enthusiasm premiered tonight… good stuff. lots of laughs<3

now i just want to run a hot bath and relax… back to work tomorrow

a) i wish this adorable phase would never end.
b) i hate the fact that i misspelled “you’re”… worst.
c) aww<3 :B

narcissism at its finest… sometimes i forget the point of this thing, i’ve just had it for so long that i feel bad not using it or having it… i can see my traffic flow around here… so i know people do actually visit and i’m not just talking to myself, lol.. sorry for the lack of updates.

i don’t want to say that things are bad, because they could DEF be worse. but everything is calmly chaotic and i’m just waiting for the tiny storm to pass.

i can’t wait to just get a place of my own at this point. hopefully something with character. hopefully somewhere back in queens… missy texted me about a studio her friend has in ridgewood. i’ve gotta call him up to go see it.

this whole living/moving situation is stressing me out, and i feel like it’s spilling out into other parts of my life. i just started dating george and because i’m so stressed out and feeling vunerable, i feel like i’m not giving 100%. i mean, i totally am into us and him<3 but i just feel like i’m in a rut and i have a little gray cloud over my head keeping me from being in tip-top jess shape. gotta snap out of it.

serenity now, serenity now.

my birthday is on saturday… i chose not to go out. instead, i’ll be hosting my very own birthday bash here at the apartment… might as well go out with a bang

laundry time.

soooooooooo this is what i did:

friday: movie night with my lovie<3 a mi casa…

saturday: went to the jersey shore (long branch) for my cousin kim’s wedding… it took place on the beach at a resort… it was kind of surreal, when i looked around at the hotel behind me and the boarwalk area, it screamed CANCUN! until i looked towards the beach and saw dirty jersey water… lol. bleh. it turned out to be a lot of fun, but super tiring since we were dancing in sand all night…

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i can’t believe i’ve only been in this apartment for four months… i feel like it’s been longer. i’m super excited that it’s september, and i’m super excited about things that have transpired recently. i actually don’t feel like complaining a whole lot about anything, everything is feeling good… but something actually came up this weekend, so why not share? lol

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okay so i don’t even understand why i was nervous the other night… i hung out with him three times last week… all 100% comfortably… i guess because we didn’t establish we were like, crazy crushin’ on each other until i got asked out on a date was there nervous pressure involved…

so this is the second date i’ve ever gone on in my lifetime. yeah, the second. i don’t like “dates”. the term seems too stuffy to me… but i was into the idea, he’s super sweet. sooooo i gravitated towards him at union square and we began our glorious journey to our showing of inglourious basterds… which i thought was good. i should never listen to certain people when it comes time to movies… i don’t think it was enough tarantinoesque enough, but i thoroughly enjoyed it anyway.

…we went to eat and get some brewskies and he brought me all the way home<3 (no, no dirty minds - nothing of the sort...) suuuuuuuper sweet and quiteee attractive (rawr). (still impressed that a boy will ride a bike an hour to see me, even if he does ride all over NYC anyhoo…)

and not to sound totally cliché or anything, but i really have a good feeling about him.<3
<333!@%&*#!

(02/28/10 – you’re an idiot, never say things like this ever again.)

sorry about the lack of posts… i get blocked sometimes. life has had some twists and turns in the last two weeks that have left me feeling loopy… i’ve become disappointed, excited, annoyed, nervous, confident… all mixed up, don’t know what to do.

friday night i had an escape from it all… i went to go see the bouncing souls at webster hall (left). i went with steve and a few of his friends that i’ve been acquainted with before (on more than one occasion-they’re just more his friends than mine…). so we had some drinks, caught a buzz and went into the crowd… the set list was okay, no great songs they never play though, but i danced my little ass off and had a lot of fun. one of the better shows i’ve been to in the last two years, i must say.

on saturday afternoon, jen brought her little dog jackson over to meet oscar but oscar wasn’t havin’ it… the attempts were cute though… we made an exquisite, “adult” salad (as jen puts it, lol) and she read my tarot cards… which were kinda on the money. the reading (of course referring to my love life, lol) made me cry, and also gave me positive vibes… at night my friend matt was showcased at a gallery in williamsburg and i went down there to support/enjoy. i met up with jes and her main squeeze KA and my boy george also rolled through… we did a walk-through, chatted it up outside and got our drink on until everyone departed because of the lack of booze at the gallery… so we all went to some bar near where we were and hung out for a bit. george left and we went to hope lounge which SUCKED. the music was horrible and it was filled with vinny mozzarella’s (lol) so we went to the diner and got our eat on.

sunday was supposed to consist of: rox, missy, jen, booze, sun and girl talk… but in actuality, it wound up being: jen, jackie, drizzle, booze, and san loco instead… which turned out to be a fabulous time!<3 …my lazy ass got up way too late to make a free show to see girl talk in the hip(w)-burg (barf!) – so we wound up chillin’ instead… jen slept over and we had a temporary tattoo, bed cuddling, fun time – so all in all, a fun weekend – woo!