…another one bites the dust…

i hate when things go wrong and you don’t know why. story of my love life in 2010…  i felt like this coulda been rad, guess i thought wrong.  i just hate thinking about “what if” and that type of nonsense.

what if i went over when he asked me to?
but then i think about why i didn’t to begin with.
i don’t chase people, and i can’t put in all the effort.
not a good way to start things off.

it’s a two way street.

still, sadness.</3

well if it’s either one or the other, he (not-so-dramatically) destroyed…  boo, you.

great – i’m feeling the love bug again…  i saw this picture and frowned… i think i forgot how to do this.  at my age and four long-term relationships later – you would think that i wouldn’t have any issues with this type of a thing…

i don’t know if i wasn’t ready to date when i met manny, or if manny and i just weren’t meant to be…  i hate dating people for a few months – it’s so not me…  i suppose i have to learn to be patient when it comes time to finding someone, but then i feel like if i sit here waiting for prince charming to fall into my lap (face first please, giggity!), he’ll never arrive…

make moves, don’t make moves…  i don’t know how to do this.  and the last two people i’ve hung out with i thought the vibes were awesome and then nothing…  again, i don’t know if it’s bad timing or if i can’t read vibes anymore, lol…

THIS IS GIVING ME ANXIETY.

i just want to be happy again, and having something like in that picture…  it’s been far too long.

i need thoughtfulness, fun, laughing, good sex, walks, texts, all that corny shit…  i know there’s good and bad, but i want it all again.

guess i have to put up “dreamlover” again, lol.

as i was walking home in the awesome cool weather, i just wanted to go for a walk.  and i have no one to walk with…  it kind of hurt the heart a little

lol, i’m such a miserable, whiney fuck…

no srsly
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how did i get here?
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well alrighty! so i’m sure i’m going to get yelled at for putting up this picture, because it’s so not flattering, but it’s adorable. i’m glad it was captured… that was a fun ilya, jess and jen moment in time…

i haven’t really openly spoken about anyone i’ve dated on this website for various reasons… (dramarama!) but this one seems to be different… easier…

i don’t know where this is headed, this whole dating thing has been quite confusing over the last six months. the two idiots i dated/hooked up with earlier in the year fucked me up… one was (what i thought was) a good friend and the other one i can’t even begin to form a label for… :\

“trust is something that comes easy, when you’ve never been a victim” – face to face

haha, deep. but honestly, truth.

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all i wanted to do was finish this brutal mid-week with a 3D horror flick and the date catches a fever…  even worse is that his sister has mono, and we’ve been totally making out for weeks.  ughhhhhhhhhhh.  i’m 27 years old, i can’t get mono now…  shit i avoided all this bullshit when i was a teenager

i have to do sidework for the local tattoo parlor mannnn tonight…  he’s got a printing business or something for shirts and he hit me up.  i really wanted to work on my idea for an op-ivy shirt though

AND now i have to tackle steve tonight, who apparently “wants to have a talk”…  :\

i just want to dye my hair and relax tonight dammit… grrr.