i just resurrected this blog post from the day before i met my father:
(april 5, 2002)

“i talked to my daddy on the phone today! it was really weird. i didn’t want to talk to him – i just wanted to meet him but my grandma gave him the phone tonight because he came a day early lol. (from boston) my brother who was said so seem like a “cold fish” about it had his stuff packed last night so i guess that’s why they came down so early. it’s so cute :”] i’m so happy that they’re excited!

my poor dad is so nervous that he had like nothing to say on the phone. but that’s why i didn’t want to talk to him first i just wanted to see him but whatever. he’s got the DEEPEST voice lol.

okay i have to go shopping for something to wear now. i ran lotsa errands today :”] i got my eyebrows done and i got my dad and grandma cards too. i got a nice card for my dad with a poem that maya angelou wrote. it goes a lil somethin’ like this:

“We can not change the past, but we can change our attitude toward it. Uproot the guilt and plant forgivness. Tear out arrogance and seed humility. Exchange love for hate – therby, making the present comfortable and the future promising”.

haha i didn’t know WHERE to start when i got into hallmark… so i asked the lady at the counter and she picked out, well, a perfect one!! i love the poem – it’s exactly what i was looking for.”

today is my fathers birthday… he would have been 49.

until i eventually get all of the stuff off of my old hard drive, this is the only picture i have of us together

this is the day that we met, actually.

all i wanted was to see my brother today and he’s in boston…  this sucks.

i spoke to my brother yesterday for two hours… he went up to boston from florida to try to see my nephew last week and the mother wouldn’t let him see him. my brother was trying to reason with her and remain calm, he said she was being difficult… in the end, he didn’t see him.

he kinda scares me because sometimes when he tells me about the way he handles things, he sounds like my father. or at least that he’s following in his footsteps… which is obviously not a good thing, seeing as that my father died at 47 of cirrosis of the liver.

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my friend pat said he could search for people at work, so i asked him if he could find my brother recently… and so he found him for me yesterday. it’s been a long time since i had spoken to my fathers side of the family… i haven’t spoken to any of them since 2002 or 2003 i believe. long story short:

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so i don’t know why, but when i was blow drying my bangs tonight i thought about those survey things like “where will you be in five years”… and thought “wait, where was i five years ago?”… unfortunately, nothing exciting.

on that note, here’s a boring gem from 2004. lol.

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dad & chris<3

where are you?
gotta hit up the bronx for lucy
gotta re-track you down…

i wonder why my brother isn’t on myspace…  worst.