living on the M line has really opened my eyes as to the whole hipster fashion shit show… it’s amazing. i mean, i don’t dress to the nines everyday, nor do i think i’m a fashion expert… in fact, i could give two shits about fashion in general, but these kids are ridiculous.

since when did it become cool to look like you cut your hair yourself and fucked it up? derby hats? glasses without lenses, those fucking keffiyeh scarves, neon coloured everything, tights ripped up, UGH… FULL BEARDS – YOU LOOK LIKE THE WOLFMAN (lolz)

coughgobacktoyourhomestatecough

as if it isn’t annoying enough looking at that shit, tonight i saw a few girls actually wearing flats! …and one girl wearing a pair of flimsy american eagle moccasins… IT’S FUCKING 27 DEGREES OUTSIDE AND YOU’RE RIDING THE MTA… it’s not like these people are going to be sitting in a nice warm car and going door to door… the trains don’t have heat!!!

lol, why do i let these things bother me?

…my closing thought:
solid white pantyhose DO NOT LOOK CUTE ON ANYTHING BUT 2-6 YEAR OLD GIRLS.

soph and i went to bk tonight to visit one of my friends workin one of the local w/burg bars…
…had a hot & heavy make-out sesh with a boy that has had a (mutual) crush on me for two years. RAWR!

one of my “him”’s was there… (referring to one of two ASSHOLES i “dated/hooked up with” last year – a friend of his…)

i kinda felt bad after we disappeared for like, almost ten minutes, but oh well…. you decided not to date me, and you haven’t been a friend… (i didn’t do anything on purpose, i didn’t know he was even going to be there – but w/e – i went to make moves mannnnnn, so i made ‘em.)… he left me hanging back then, and obviously never gave a shit, so what am i supposed to do?

sophie and i got rather tipsy, had fun, came home.

here i sit with beef ramen<3 (BEST) and i’m about to fall asleep.

…good times.

i met up with jen tonight after work to have some din din at don burrtio (mexican joint near my old apt in brooklyn)… haven’t been down there since i moved out… memories<3

i can’t wait til jen and i can hang out for more than a couple of hours. my move back to queens has really thrown off our schedule of love, lol. it was nice having her stay with me at least once a week… we have a ton of fun. and she’s one of the only people that’ll watch degrassi with me

aww i miss her already

i’m doing well today, finally.
i haven’t felt this stress-free in a month. i don’t know why, not much has changed…
i guess just doing that thing where i ignore things, so they can’t hurt me is helping…
i’ve put them in the back of my little head, so i don’t have to face them.
it’s just easier this way.

“the time it takes, the time it takes to let go.”
- thursday.

tomorrow i’m going to meet the landlord for the ridgewood spot! i am super excited and really hope i get it – there’s a lot of good stuff harboring over there… i’ll be right near missy, jes and george and not far from the lovers in the burbs either – ooooooh everyone cross their fingers!

tuesday i’m moving back to mom’s house…
whatever. i feel so blah about it, but at least i have a home to go back to. and if i get this place, it’ll only be for a month.

i can’t wait until all of this is over.

NEED STABILITY, stat.

adios brooklyn!<3

(more…)

• pack up my life
• save up $1400 $1100 within 4 weeks
• get shit back to moms (temporarily)
• get new shoe holder
• hear back from mike about place in ridgewood
• throw more shit out!
• buy some towels
• pick up pink wardrobe from andrews upon apartment confirmation

i can’t believe i have to uproot myself again. at least i’m going back to queens. sure, there may be other parts of brooklyn i could be happier in, but it really doesn’t matter… queens is where my family and friends are. and i’m glad i’m going back. not back to the burbs, but close enough to everyone that matters.

if anything, brooklyn heights will someday sway me back. otherwise…

bk isolation – over and out.<3

thanks jen & ilya for making my brooklyn experience so much fun<333

god i just realized how cheesy that post about george was the other day, sorry – lol.

whatever, i’m happy. and it’s better than complaining like i usually do…

i have no agenda for the next two days. i feel like i should go to queens so that i have something to do today. once my nails dry, i’m going to do just that. i can’t sit around this apartment anymore.

i get a bomb dropped on me wednesday night by frank that the landlord isn’t letting him renew the lease, so apparently we have to move. but then frank said he was going to speak to his lawyer about how we weren’t given adequate notice about this… and the hot water was off the other day… (now it’s back on) man… i don’t know what’s going on, and i haven’t seen frank. i have to figure out the living situation then i suppose… with the quickness.

NOT going back to my mothers. nahhhhh. nah.

even thinking about this is giving me a headache right now.

going to get organized and get the fuck out of here.
want to see erica, stat.<3

…brooklyn heights that is. i decided to finally troop my ass over to ricky’s to get some hair bleach/hair dye tonight… i can never decide what colour i want to dye my bangs… i thought to dye them gray. jen was all into it, but i don’t know how long i’d be into it. although i could see myself tipping it purple and i think that’d look hot. either way, these are the dyes i ended up with… and what i ended up falling in love with. i NEED, NEED, NEED to live there!

(more…)

i don’t know how many of you follow me on twitter or not, but i just posted that this apartment finally feels like home… i just looked at a picture i have of whitestone park and realized that it’s SO far away from where i am this very moment. and i feel better about that than i ever have since moving here.

the picture at the left is off of a shopping bag. i think i got the actual graphic there from my friend sheena’s website… but i know where it’s actually from. i’ve seen it a shit ton of times, it’s a gaudy red and white monstrosity. anyways, this one lady that takes the Q16 (my old bus in queens i would have to take home from main street) used it everyday. i remember after frankie showed me this apartment and the bedroom he was planning on renting, i was very hesitant because this was seriously a huge change. i thought about it and almost didn’t take this place, but my mother & sister got into a huge fight that i was dragged into and i decided i needed out. everytime i saw that bag on the bus it inspired me, so i told frankie yes.

anddddd three months later, here i am, happy… it’s a change of pace, but it’s feeling good now. it’s extremely frustrating because i’m still helping out financially at my mothers house, but it’s still nice to be able to do whatever i want… and i’ve become good friends with jen instead of just saying hi to her at the bar, sitting in another area of the knights of columbus for hours…

i feel like i’ve spoken about brooklyn and this apartment and moving out wayyy too much on this website… but i keep seeing the damn picture above in my computer, and thought this was was cute and wanted to share.

okay it’s 3 AM, why am i still awake?  not only that, i’m awake in my bedroom at mom’s house.
i have nothing to do here.
all that’s in my room here is some laundry, a shelf with candy/2 lunchboxes and a candle, and my bed.

thank god i found the USB cord for my iphone or else i wouldn’t have aim, or a phone.  my shit was fully charged when i left brooklyn and apparently i wore it out…  it was on its last leg here when i got home from being out all day.

i’m on a laptop.
WORST.

i feel like i can’t type correctly on laptops and i feel like it just HAS to be adding to my wrists that are already going to be cursed with carpel tunnel syndrome in the future…  wa wa wa worst!

so yeah, still don’t have internet at home.  frankie says i need a wireless card in my computer.  bleh.  i don’t even know when i’m getting one.  i really just want to get it so that i can freelance and make some damn extra money…  blah.

so my first week at the apartment has gone pretty well.  still don’t know more than four people that live in brooklyn, so that’s kinda getting to me…  i feel bad that i always look to frankie for brooklyn guidance, or depending on him for social sanity.  it would be a lot easier if i had the internet to keep me preoccupied…  anyways i’ve gotten used to the commute already, just need to get more acquainted with my hood.  i know where some stores are and one train stop away there’s food and stores…  i need to find a bar we can regularly frequent so that we can make some friends…  poor oscar is still not settled with the dog…  he keeps hitting him though…  and the dog doesn’t bite at him or anything…  he’s only barked at him, hopefully it’s just the whole getting used to each other thing…

hmm.  so yeah…  the beginning of the week my friend jen who dates my friend from bayside came over to my house…  she kinda lives near me – kept me company during the day…  and then i went to go see the kills with rox.  we had a romantic asian dinner (lol) and then drinks and music.  my sexy little date…  friday laura came over and we got drunk with frankie :)  watched tv, bugged out…

today erica and i went to see her “friend” (boyfriend) box for the NYPD – they fought against the suffolk county PD
it was interesting…  something different to do.
pauly from rocky was there and the father from “family bonds” (retired HBO series) was there too.

now i’m in queens.
lonely.
in a boring room.

tomorrow for mother’s day we’re going to the mets game and just hanging out i guess…  going to see the bouncing souls at night.  (woo!)  i haven’t seen them since my bday, hopefully this set – they won’t let me down.  last time they suckkkkkkkkkked. (acoustic nonsense)

so rad.

i’m gonna try to lay down for sleepy time.

ok so all my stuff is here… mostly unpacked and setup – all but my computer… i have no internet I have no motivation to set it up without it lol worst

i’m writing this from my phone and it’s irritating the hell out of me so I’m going to stop. just wanted to let you’s know the deal xo

may 1st is just ’round the corner!!! – so i got a lot of shit packed, my walls are looking mighty bare, and it’s so weird.  i hate it.  it’s freaking me out.  i won’t live here anymore…  ever again.  not with mommy either.  not that it’s cut the cord type shit around here, most of the time we can just live together without pissing each other off, and i just love her.  i kinda find it funny/ironic that the apartment we lived in together when it was just me and her when i was a weee little stu (1-4 yrs old),  before sarah was born is directly around the corner from this apartment i’m typing from right now…  and now i’m leaving her from here…

predestined paths.

(i believe in life magic, lol)

there are little white dots all over the walls from where i had stuff taped up, my monster collage walls…  still nowhere near as bad as my old house, but enough…

…i’m gonna miss my little mid-urb neighborhood…  i realized that last night when i was getting home from work.  i had to leave early because of ridiculously horrible cramps, and wound up being back here while it was still light out.  and quite warm.  – i love spring time so much.  and it looks so pretty around here – all the big/little houses with such character (especially the tudors! – fave!) – flowers and trees…  not buildings and hustle/bustle…  well not too much of it anyways, especially on my side streets…

in fact walking home during spring/summer and fall nights from bell is one of my favorite things in the world.  once the warm weather hits, i live for it.  good exercise and it clears the head…  so this weekend, i gotta fit it in before i won’t be around all the time.  especially to sleep here…  although i’m sure i’ll be here for many drunken nights that i’ll end up crashing on the couch…  haha i’m acting like i’m gonna be in another state or country…  but brooklyn – especially where i’m going to be – is kinda far.  especially when you don’t drive.  and now i REALLY don’t have the need to, lol.  and i think it’s gonna be a way different crowd than around here.

BLAH BLAH BLAH.
i’ve got a closet the size of  a small bedroom and a red haired italian boy to get tattoo’d with often!

so…  in other news.  the rangers won tonight (snoozefest, i know – but it’s the playoffs! – GO LUNDQVIST! GO DUBEY!<333) anddd i finally got my rosary ring that i had ordered… one size too big – so it’s on my middle finger instead of my ring finger…
(note to self: SIZE 5 ring finger.)

(more…)

so i broke it down to my mom tonight.  told her the moving out dealio.
such a hard thing to do, just as bad as i thought her reaction would be.

(more…)

this weekend had its ups and downs. friday was fun, went for drinks afterwork with willie dictionary, then went to dinner with christine and erica…  christine is 4 1/2 months pregnant, CUTIE! and for some reason i haven’t seen her since february, so it was good to catch up with her…  we went to cinco de mayo (shocker) and then just went back to erica’s apartment to chill out – we were just shooting the shit and i was making her and erica laugh so hard they were crying… fun times

saturday morning, my sister and mother got into a huge fight – apparently “because of me” needing a ride to go pick up my jacket from the post office…  (below, sexy. fuck yes. and yeah it’s part/fleece. and it’s not heavy and gross for this time of year at all.)

long story short – sarah had a dr’s appt and was heading out like 20/30 mins from when i woke up so i figured i had time if my mom drove me up to get it, but my sister wasn’t having it…  so i went downstairs and asked my mom if she’d take me fast and she told me to ask my sister…  so i did…

sarah got pissed off that we were asking her for the car because my mom knew “she needed the car all week”, and then my mom got pissed because she was answering me snotty. so she tried to defend me…  don’t know why, but it all escalated between the two of them because they both have bad tempers. they were screaming at each other, and my sister was dropping F-bombs left and right… so my mom told my sister to pack her shit and move out, that she couldn’t take her attitude anymore, and my sister ended up cursing AT her… i just tried to calm the both of them down and make them stop…  i told my mother to stop answering her, and she did…  and then i went upstairs to try to calm sarah down with reasoning and talking and she stopped finally…

(more…)

well, DUHHHH!  i forgot that everyone gives a flying fudge about what i do on the weekends, and i forgot to share what i did this past one…

friday: erica’s!
saturday: cascarino’s w/erica and then we went to the mall – i finally got an iphone, i got this wonderful piece of sexy bag that is known as my new snakeskin betseyville bag (it needs more purple on it betsey, boo you!) – i got the newest DKNY perfume, yum! and some ridiculously large, awesome, neon pink, $11 bag from target… haha, my bags were on different price spectrum’s that day…

sunday: krays/casualties free show @ club europa in brooklyn…  sweaty, friend filled, free, lots of beer, HOURS of music, cute punk rock boys, my shiny pants (lol), i finally broke out the op-ivy shirt i drew…  more beer.  phil’s moustache, tim got arrested, BILLY TAINT!, jimmy chune?, jorge with emo hair, jake with a mullet, ridic! pictures i won’t be able to get from joanna because i’m “not on facebook” wahhhhh, bite me – that website sucks, lol.

andddddd that was my exciting weekend.

me and the miss went out for din din before the show last night… had a little japanese…  hit the old music hall and got some stella & amstel…  was walking around and ran into my ex…  i coulda swore i heard him say something not nice.  he says otherwise…  whatever.

ugh i drank too much.  but i had a good time.  i got to watch head automatica next to someone awesome…

the set was ehhhh.  lots of new stuff, NOT including that new song that i know is going to be one of my favorite HA songs ever.

i had a miserable morning going home from middle village… it was FREEZING out this morning, and home seemed so far.  but i made it.  and i feel like a zombie today.

i’m gonna lay down.