that chick jess is truly dazzling » breaking-up http://www.posed-to-death.org Just another WordPress site Sat, 21 Jan 2012 00:10:04 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2 lighter http://www.posed-to-death.org/2010/01/03/lighter/ http://www.posed-to-death.org/2010/01/03/lighter/#comments Sun, 03 Jan 2010 06:55:15 +0000 stujessica http://www.posed-to-death.org/2010/01/lighter/ i currently weigh 134 lbs. i haven’t weighed this amount or less since 2000 or 2001 when I went on the pill. I could never shake off the extra lbs that shit put on me.

break-up diet
FTW!

]]> http://www.posed-to-death.org/2010/01/03/lighter/feed/ 0 eternal.sunshine http://www.posed-to-death.org/2009/12/30/eternal-sunshine/ http://www.posed-to-death.org/2009/12/30/eternal-sunshine/#comments Thu, 31 Dec 2009 00:53:23 +0000 stujessica http://www.posed-to-death.org/?p=3017 delete delete!
doin’ a clean sweep!

i unfollowed your twitter, i deleted your blog url’s, lost you as a contact on flickr, you’re off the buddy list, phone next?

a little immature, i suppose.


i just don’t want to know what you’re doing without me in your life :(

i miss you<3

what horrible timing, i could use you right now.

]]> http://www.posed-to-death.org/2009/12/30/eternal-sunshine/feed/ 0 what.do.i.deserve? http://www.posed-to-death.org/2009/08/18/i-deserve-better/ http://www.posed-to-death.org/2009/08/18/i-deserve-better/#comments Wed, 19 Aug 2009 02:59:28 +0000 stujessica http://www.posed-to-death.org/?p=2003 so i feel like “that’s it”… i have no idea. but then i think, i deserve to not even feel like “i have no idea”. you know? what are we, twelve? i mean, take the reigns or whatever the opposite of that is (i’m too scared to even mutter the words?) i mean, i’m not even sure it’s what i want anyways, so why do i feel like this?

does everyone deserve what they desire?
everyone seems to think so, i’m not so sure.

i hate who let me down earlier this year, before ilya.
okay, so it’s not HATE… but they made me feel fucking retarded. i hate that.
well, maybe i do hate you’s a little. some pieces, but i really hate the regret that i have.

i can rewind and play back so much shit that burns an anger and frustration that i can’t shake…
things i regret, great things that were said, great things that happened, bad/dumb things that were said/done, actions that weren’t needed if one didn’t care… the “i think about you so much”, the “i miss you”, the “i love the way you feel next to me”, the “i love the way you smell”, the “omg, you’re just like me”… etc. i want to erase it all so much, because i can keep hitting the embarrassing rewind button.

god, i hope i’m not the only one who thinks this way.

this is the longest i’ve been single in 9 years.
…i haven’t even been looking to be in a relationship either, why am i craving one now?
i miss someone sleeping next to me all the time, and being told that someone loves me.
…oh yeah.<3

i’m sick of not being longed for, and being told sweet things here and there. things that made me think i was special… those things especially confused me. what’s wrong with me believing those things? what makes people say those things? sex? i don’t even know at age 27 when someone’s just trying to kick it to me? (i mean if that’s what was going on, i have no idea…)

fuck. wtf?

lol.

ah, worst.

]]> http://www.posed-to-death.org/2009/08/18/i-deserve-better/feed/ 0 stuck.in.the.snow http://www.posed-to-death.org/2009/03/01/stuckinthesnow/ http://www.posed-to-death.org/2009/03/01/stuckinthesnow/#comments Mon, 02 Mar 2009 02:52:40 +0000 stujessica http://www.posed-to-death.org/?p=797 hot damn, i complain a lot. and i apologize to anyone who reads this blog… i’m just at this weird place in my life and i feel like my life is the movie “groundhog day”.

i really need to move out, my friends apart from my everyday/weekly friends honestly suck…  i thought breaking up with steve would clear my mind/make me feel better and it hasn’t…  not how i thought it would, at the rate of speed i thought it would anyway…  i don’t regret it, and it was really hard to do… shit i shouldn’t even be talking about this on my website… so i’m going to stop, but what i was getting at is that…  everything is so scattered and all over the place and tentative, i want to have 7,283 things to do to keep busy and i don’t, i keep over analyzing things, i’ve become irrational (lol), and most of all… damn lonely.

i don’t do casual hook up’s and it’s really tough that who i have hooked up with since him are too into their own lives to give a flying shit about me…  (no,  you really don’t – if you really think about it.)

and it’s not like i’m not searching for my next serious relationship…  but i must admit that it really does suck to sleep alone and not have a special someone to just call and hang out with whenever…  even casually…

i try not to let it bother me, but it does.

my next thing is “when i move out, things will be better”.

but then i’ll just be sitting there alone staring at four walls, lol.

at least then i’ll have the option to bring people over…  so maybe not.
this is why i have hope and keep the “when i move out, things will be better” shtick.

yuck @ the falling snow…  i hate damn snow, and it makes me miserable.

hopefully spring will bring new things, along with the green on the trees that i long for.

]]> http://www.posed-to-death.org/2009/03/01/stuckinthesnow/feed/ 0 this.is.the.end… http://www.posed-to-death.org/2008/12/12/this-is-the-end/ http://www.posed-to-death.org/2008/12/12/this-is-the-end/#comments Fri, 12 Dec 2008 22:27:45 +0000 stujessica http://www.posed-to-death.org/?p=110 my only friend, the end…

of our elaborate plans, the end
of everything that stands, the end
no safety or surprise, the end
i’ll never look into your eyes … again</3

]]> http://www.posed-to-death.org/2008/12/12/this-is-the-end/feed/ 0 when.one.eight.becomes.two.zeros http://www.posed-to-death.org/2008/11/25/when-one-eight-becomes-two-zeros/ http://www.posed-to-death.org/2008/11/25/when-one-eight-becomes-two-zeros/#comments Tue, 25 Nov 2008 05:57:03 +0000 stujessica http://www.posed-to-death.org/?p=41 ?????????????????????????????????????????????????

]]> http://www.posed-to-death.org/2008/11/25/when-one-eight-becomes-two-zeros/feed/ 0