out with the faint, in with the deftones.
there will be no more new posts here, strictly archives.
i can’t believe that i’ve had this domain for 7 years. #rip
i got some new ink on the left arm while i was in salt lake citayyyy… (yes, i realize that i need a better picture of her/it…)
she’s kind of large, and brown haired instead of blonde (ew… blondes. also: i just hate yellow ink in my tattoo’s… sorry, donny<3)
most importantly, i FINALLY GOT A DONNY MILLER TATTOO 
thanks jake! (of the amazing cathedral tattoo)
since she’s taken up so much space with the size of her, i’m committing to a half sleeve. this way i can bring together my existing anchor and the next/last thing planned for the inside of my arm.
then the next and last adventure in tattooing myself: my right thigh. enough talking about it, two years in the making in my noodle… i must have the fancy ass frame drafted along with the portrait that i have planned.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! 
last week at work (rip), i was working on a crime scene cleanup website that also serviced “hoarders” houses for cleanup. digging around a bit more, i found some affiliate website that serviced cleaning of hoarders homes… this was a “helpful hint” on that website:
“Don’t try to get rid of your children’s favorite things before the move – even if it makes it easier. Kids sometimes have a hard time dealing with the change of the move itself.”
when i was a kid, we moved to the bronx with my mothers ex-boyfriend and it only lasted a year. it was dramarama! we “needed to skidaddle out of there, asap” and my mother left aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawl of my toys there in a storage room in the basement. since we weren’t supposed to stay there long, my toys never even left the boxes when we got there. i think that the only toys that i had out were my NES, my pillow people and stuffed animals on display on my bed.
i had EVERYTHING: she-ra, popples, jem, little people, my little pony, lady lovely locks, strawberry shortcake, sweet secrets, keypers, fraggles, rainbow brite, my punky brewster doll, etc.
and then, *poof*, gone.
keep that hint in mind, it’s very true! i held that with me for years. it was horrible traumatizing, and definitely made my moving life even harder. when i was a kid, i moved around 10 times before we settled into a place when i was turning 14. every time i got comfy enough, we were packing up again. i tried to keep all that i could with me, but not much survived.
i think i would have kept a lot of those items, if not for the sentimental purpose, for the collector value. and anything else could have totally been worth money!
grrrrrrrrrrrrr!
among the wonderful things i got this year, these are my two favorite things.<3 my sister bought me seasons 1-4 of tales from the crypt and jes bought me the empress of the underworld by frank kozik and kidrobot. go figure, i get two brutal/evil things for christmas and they’re my favorites, lol…
:in the year two thousaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand:
(if you don’t know what that’s from, you officially suck.)
but yeah, this pic was from the year 2000… how is that a decade ago? #raverdays
since my coming of age around 12/13 i absorbed and turned into:
an r&b and hip-hop head, an alternative/grunge and punk lover, a beavis & butthead (and daria) addict, a tommy hil and nautica consumer, a huge advocate of handball and public nyc parks, a rocker of a black bugaboo columbia jacket, a drinker of the finest st. ides special brew and liquors around all by 14, a super nintendo gamer nerd, a misfits addict, a graphic designer, a web designer, a super-sneaker-out-of-the-houser, a great kisser, a roamer of queens in general, a bay terrace mallrat, a thief kleptomaniac, a greenwich village dweller, a make-out slut, a smoker of pot, an adopted latina, a stoop dweller, a total hard ass, a pin cushion (i’ve had like, 11 piercings), a mosher, a friend of vampires, an MTV offices regular, a raver, a lover of anything with synth in it, a mild drug user (e), a cam girl, a blogger, a saucony’s/vans girl, an awesome girlfriend to few, a frequent MTA rider, a south-bronx dweller, a ska-loving skanker, a chick magnet, a bouncing souls show regular, a high school graduate, a video store clerk/manager, a jackass addict, an ikea addict, a tony hawk pro skater pro, an aimless whitestone stroller, a myspace fan, a graffiti lover, a sparks drinker, a roommate, a loner, a restaurant manager, a toughlover<3, a pet owner, a traveler, a glassjaw addict, a camper, a wifey, a guest list dweller, a mistress, a canvas for a few tattoo artists, a full-time website developer, someone with multi-colour hair, a brooklyn resident, a ranger fan (again<3), a tweeter, and most importantly a (self-destructively/overly loyal) good friend… etc.
which leaves me feeling like i love how all over the place i’ve been, good and bad.
i’ve also been realizing as i get older that NYC is really fucking tiny. and the older i get, the closer the social circles are linked.
(this has been proven many times in the last year…)
you know what i’m gonna focus on for the rest of the year instead of my failures? the fact that:
AFTER THIS SHIT YEAR IS FINALLY FUCKING OVER… THE FIRST DAY INTO 2011 WILL BE SPENT WITH TWO OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE (KRISTEN AND GREEK STEVE) oh, andddddddddddd GLASSJAW.
1/1/11 show.
oh! i don’t think i ever posted about this tattoo before…
my friend dated this dude who was amazingly creative and seriously talented. and i remember thinking when they started dating that their creative flow together was amazing. in fact, ever since i met this girl… we’ve had such a good flow together, too.
when i met her, from day one, we just clicked. ideas flowed, we wanted to do things… this was before this cat was even in the picture. we sat there for hours chit chatting away and even though we had a website that was “coming soon” for a straight year… we launched it.
when i met jes five years ago, the whole situation was via my ex who did graff… or at least the way that i found her, he didn’t know her personally… anyhow, seeing and hearing about nyc writers that he liked got me into graff… he really liked writers that used characters, like a one icon deal, like jes’s j-heart. long story short, jes was confused with someone else that we knew with (almost) the same name and i started checking out her shit on myspace (RIP). i was looking at all of her fills and i fell in love. i remember one of the first pictures i ever used for a contact table – which is still one of my favorites – is why i started talking to her – it was adorable (below). it was a collabo between her and bob will reign.
i was instantly hooked.
(more…)
alrighty! now that it’s officially december… i’m putting x-mas website wallpapers into the random background rotation here, and going to try to get into the spirit.
i haven’t enjoyed christmas in a long time… not because of anything jess-dramatic or bad associations with anything like the rest of my wretched life… christmas eve a few years ago was when my first aunt that died was really sick with lung cancer, emphysema and a lung infection. it was also around the same time that my other aunt had to get triple-bypass surgery… traumatic stuff, man.
when i was a kid, my aunt necie (the bypass surgery aunt) always hosted christmas eve… she had the biggest tree and a big house and everyone used to come over. she is my mothers sister, one of 7 sisters and 1 brother, so you can only imagine how packed the house was with each of them there and having at least two children there with them…
anyways, the year that aunt necie had the surgery she stopped hosting christmas eve. and it was really hard for my mother, my sister and i because that’s what we did ever since i was born. now we just feel kind of lost. and it’s sad that we all still don’t gather over there, but she just doesn’t want us to. and even though aunt carol didn’t die on christmas eve or day that year, i think we all associate that with this time of year.
on friday, jes and i are going to pick up a small christmas tree for my apartment. i wasn’t moved in last year in time for one, i wasn’t actually living/sleeping here until new years day… so it’ll be my first holiday here.
she bought me my first ornament for my tree, and friday we’ll be picking up a few more. i want to put together a fun christmas play list for us to get snookered to while we eat soft baked cookies, decorate my tree and hang lights. i have been searching everywhere on the internet for that madness “our house” and jingle bells mix from the new verizon commercial – it sounds awesome! and it got me all pumped for christmas…
i’ll have to put a play list together tomorrow because on thursday… rangers vs. the islanders. and i will be there.
so this sparked my pill memories today (not that i ever acted like that, obviously the word is in the title…) and my friend tiff and i got to talking today about this time we were rolling (in case you don’t know what that is, you can click here.). i was dyyyyyyyyyyying laughing. in fact, i almost had to leave my desk because of how funny everything was, and stuff she was telling me about that i completely don’t remember happening.
she said we should have recorded ourselves and she’s damn right. i always wanted to, or at least write shit down and i never did. man, before i’m tooooo old, i might have to try that.
so i figured maybe i should start documenting the times that i have rolled… because they mostly have funny shit attached to them. i made a new category called “rolling”.
let’s start at the beginning, ey?
my first time wasn’t all that exciting, but i figure it should still be documented, especially if you have no idea how it makes you feel.
when i was a kid, my aunt nana took me to florida/disney but i didn’t go to the magic kingdom for some reason… we went to epcot, mgm studios, universal studios and sea world… but not the magic kingdom… what a jip!
this is me finally making it and walking towards cinderella’s castle<3
my ex-bf andrew took me for my birthday in 2006… he did really nice things for me, and that trip was one of those things. we had a lot of fun on that jolly holiday.
tonight i went home to whitestone with soph to wax my manly ‘brows and for some coffee, and it’s so weird walking around over there for me… i grew up on those streets, romping around with sophie… hanging out with my ex’s, going to school, living, coming into my own, working… it’s just so strange that so much of my life has been based there and now i feel like a stranger there. even in sophie’s house, where i’ve been a staple since 1993… i realized i hadn’t been there in months.
when we got to my moms house, we parked around the corner and walked over there and i was like DAMN i feel like my everyday life is so far away right now.
ridgewood, my apartment, dumbo, oscar, jes, etc.
another lifetime away, sort of.
i swear i’m not under the influence of anything, lol.
sophie recently dug out this picture that i made for us back in the day and showed it to me tonight… for some reason we made our nicknames or whatever, dookie and spooky. (we were both obsessed with green day back then, lol) – and i made the dookie look like the cover and i drew a big ghost and had some lisa frank bear sticker on it too i dunno… it was a BFFL thing, even said it at the bottom.
i can’t believe how long ago that was now… almost two decades.
(off-topic) that whitestone shirt above was purchased in my local waldbaum’s for like $6 yeeeeeears ago. like 2001 or 2002… i found that as i was on line waiting to ring up with jeff and his mom. it’s totally a kids shirt, but i chanced it and it fit, and has been one of my favorites ever since. i wear it every time i fly out on vacation, also.
when i was 5 going on 6, i got a splinter in my right thigh and neglected to tell my mother about it. i didn’t tell her because i was scared shit of doctors when i was a kid. in fact, it used to take 4/5 adults to hold me down for vaccines, lol. so after not telling my mother about this splinter for a while, it started traveling up into my thigh and i couldn’t sit down… which was when she found i was hiding it, so instead of my mother fishing it out within minutes of when it happened… i think turned into actually being days or weeks. (and she couldn’t get it out.) she ended up having to take me to our family doctor, which turned into a referral for minor surgery.
i remember being in the car with my mother and she was trying to talk me into getting the surgery and going in bravely, without a screaming episode and what not… and i remember my aunt carol was with us in the car and she too, was trying to calm me down or brace me for what was about to happen. my mother wound up bribing me with buying every piece of every she-ra play sets and dolls/figures if i behaved…
#gocatra #goshe-ra #gocrystalcastle #best
so we get to this hospital and i remember my mother going in with me, walking through an awesome play room that i wanted to stay in, being wheeled around through the halls/rooms, two sets of steel double doors and finally also being on the operating table. my mother couldn’t be with me, and i remember seeing all the tools they were using for the procedure being out. and really fucking shiny and scary.
i also remember fighting and being strapped down for the whole thing while staying awake.
whenever the whole ordeal was finished, my mother told me that i didn’t misbehave at all and she felt horrible because i told her all of the tools were out and she realized how scared i was… she said she heard me screaming through both sets of heavy double doors, and that’s why i ended up getting everything she-ra.
i still have a scar from that splinter/the stitches… brutal.
my mother was cleaning out her shed in the backyard so that she could grab all of her decorations for halloween, when found one last big rubbermaid bin of my shite that i never moved out/unpacked… turns out a lot of it was also family pictures, but i found a couple of gems in it worth quickly sharing… it was mostly childhood stuff i guess i couldn’t part with? and a bunch of bowls/plates that i bought from my first apt. with christina…
i found a shit ton of round wheel negatives like in the first picture, which i have never seen before… found a cute little owl picture… and my clunky mofo gameboy. i can’t bear to throw it out, lol. i have a gameboy color with the camera somewhere, too.
so jes and i have been discussing these gems lately… i have two i wanna do something with the two that i have because they’re super cool and mainly collecting dust… broaches or hair bows maybe?! do you remember???
man, they’re not kidding when they say that scent is the strongest sense tied to memory… just watching this commercial, i can remember EXACTLY what these sweet secrets “make-up” pieces smelled like. i can also remember my strawberry shortcake scented stuff, but i mainly only conjure up the smells of sweet secrets and especially my maxie doll… i thought i remembered her having a dress with a white torso and a hot pink skirt, but i do remember this dress and exactly how this one smelled. i loved it. i can just smelled both just thinking about this stuff. #CRAZY!
i’m getting ready to start editing only ones t-shirts that are about to be launched, and aint this some wacky synchronized-coincidence shit…
i’m saving all of the t-shirt images for editing into their designated folders, when i just realized that i was doing this while depeche mode’s “waiting for the night” is playing… which always reminds me of george (it’s his favorite band), who just so happens to be the one who took the product pictures for rob… (who was all mine this time last year… bleh. george, not rob, lol.) and then i open up the first email from rob, and the name of the first shirt is named “ceremony”… a new order song that reminds me of rob, always. (we totally made out from queens to upstate one night while ryan was driving and we were listening to mostly new wave the entire ride up… i remember that was one of the first songs to play that night…) #ohgirlbrains
BLAH.
i miss the days of ryan (and of course, ryan) 
friday was the 5th year of his death, unbelievable… so sad.
you still have my skirt from last summer (or the one before? what a burn out, lol) – may i have it back? i don’t have many, lol…
i hope you get a laugh out of this like i did, thinking about it…
(it’s not what you think, people…)
what’s up vintage mta?
this was life before metrocards… still the days of the tokens, and long paper transfers.
this is some real new yorker shit rt here<3
these are my everyday, goofy ass faces. my bee captured me quite well, lol.
the two lights are up in nyc… i saw them from dumbo tonight – and then again at marcy ave… i can’t even describe how it feels (i mean aside from horribly sad). i wish i could see the twin towers from my views now… i saw the skyline from jersey > port authority on 09/10 – the day before it all happened (literally – the night before… like, 9 hours before…). just visiting becca and frank on a whim in montclair, NJ… i remember looking at it and just feeling something strange that i couldn’t describe… just took it all in. (one last time.)
i dated a boy named harold that lived (literally) next to the twin towers – downtown. and we used to sit on his roof and sit right next to them. not only will i always associate him with that, but also – i keep the view fresh in the mind. i can still see it.
RIP everyone<3 and another year goes by in nyc…
i just resurrected this blog post from the day before i met my father:
(april 5, 2002)
“i talked to my daddy on the phone today! it was really weird. i didn’t want to talk to him – i just wanted to meet him but my grandma gave him the phone tonight because he came a day early lol. (from boston) my brother who was said so seem like a “cold fish” about it had his stuff packed last night so i guess that’s why they came down so early. it’s so cute :”] i’m so happy that they’re excited!
my poor dad is so nervous that he had like nothing to say on the phone. but that’s why i didn’t want to talk to him first i just wanted to see him but whatever. he’s got the DEEPEST voice lol.
okay i have to go shopping for something to wear now. i ran lotsa errands today :”] i got my eyebrows done and i got my dad and grandma cards too. i got a nice card for my dad with a poem that maya angelou wrote. it goes a lil somethin’ like this:
“We can not change the past, but we can change our attitude toward it. Uproot the guilt and plant forgivness. Tear out arrogance and seed humility. Exchange love for hate – therby, making the present comfortable and the future promising”.
haha i didn’t know WHERE to start when i got into hallmark… so i asked the lady at the counter and she picked out, well, a perfect one!! i love the poem – it’s exactly what i was looking for.”
today is my fathers birthday… he would have been 49.
until i eventually get all of the stuff off of my old hard drive, this is the only picture i have of us together
this is the day that we met, actually.
all i wanted was to see my brother today and he’s in boston… this sucks.
i have no idea where all of my cd’s went, but i’m assuming it could be that black hole that i like to refer to as “my sister”… but this is what i do have leftover from the 1990′s (a strange mix), that still resides in a cd tower i have (that i just can’t seem to get rid of):
3rd eye blind (self-titled)
blink182 – enema of the state
blondie – the best of blondie
blur (self-titled)
bone thugs-n-harmony – e. 1999 eternal
bush – razorblade suitcase
the cure – kiss me x3
the cure – lovesong (single)
faith no more – the real thing
goldfinger – stomping ground
halloween dance party favorites (not even joking)
inoj/lathun – love you down/freak it (single)
ESPN jock jams vol. 2 (wuttttttttt!)
marcy playground (self-titled)
mister jones – hail mary
MTV party to go (vol 8)
no doubt – tragic kingdom
robyn – robyn is here
sexy finger champs – trash hits the rock
the tony rich project – words
u2 – war
tears for fears – songs from the big chair
yakballz – scifentology II
misfits – famous monsters
misfits – static age
misfits – american psycho
peter feigenbaum recreated a 1980′s ‘hood in small structure form and it’s on display here through the month.
RAD!
(where i found this – more pics can be found here, too.)
is it terrible of me that after watching this commercial, i instantly thought that it was finally karma biting her in the ass FOR HER FUCKING WITH EVERY MSCL FANS EMOTIONS BY ABRUPTLY NOT FILMING IT ANYMORE AND LEAVING US ALL EMPTY AND SCARRED?
:x
…turd.
i have no idea how i got on some kick of trying to find all these old school commercials/shows/songs on youtube but it set off a song and i can’t find it ANYWHERE.
when WPIX (ch. 11) used to air movies when i was a kid, it was always a big stink and i remember whenever they aired indiana jones they had a mock theme song for the commercials… i remember parts of it randomly… i couldn’t find any videos of it ANYWHERE.
does anyone aside from jinni and i remember this song/commercial as well???
i kind of remember it going:
struck by lightning, chased by rocks, …(blah blah blah).. by a runaway truck… …(blah blah blah)…without a sword? …’cause he’s indy, he’s indy, he’s indiana jones!
RING A BELL?
i really need to go back here so badly.
when i first walked into this park, i remember my first thought was that i felt like i was in a fairy tale… it was so beautiful. the trees just embrace you, the light coming through the trees were gorgeous… it was so lush and perfect.
visiting muir woods was definitely my favorite part of going to california.
when i was 15, my family and i flew into LA and drove up to stay with my moms friends that lived in santa barbara. the next morning, we all started out trip up to eugene, oregon and back. it was a full two weeks of driving, camping, hotels, andthe california coast . i wish i were old enough to fully appreciate that trip then, and hopefully i’ll be able to do it again eventually in life.
i have no pictures from that trip here at home, they’re all at my mothers house.
oh wait, i have one picture of a miserable me i have in my computer… you all know how i enjoy posting non-flattering pictures of myself, so if you choose to – enjoy… lol.
…had to squeeze this last one in – even though i’m 13 minutes late, lol.
i had this stuck in my head all day and it resurfaced when i was doing the dishes before.
reminds me of living in college point and summers upstate at the pool all day<333
between this and “what about your friends” – favorite TLC songs
i just found out from a friend today that my “boy who got away” was well equipped 
we never did anything for whatever reason…
go fucking figure.
#wtfwasithinking
#justmyluck
#wompwomp
AREN’T WE PRETTY?????
(you asked for more pics of us on here ms madden<333 – be glad i didn’t put the dress/jeans picture up LOLLLL)
